Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover?
by jazzy2may
Summary: Journalist Iruka is Kakashi’s worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don’t we? Slash YAOI M/M Coupling - possible F/F, AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor lots of it . No like no read. Thank you.
1. Ch1: Critical Review

Title: Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover!?  
Fandom: NARUTO  
Author: Jazzy aka AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka (eventually)  
Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)  
**Category/Warning:** Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F, AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor (lots of it).

**Summary: Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. TT We only hurt the ones we love, don't we? LOL**

Words: _594_

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**Part One**

Iruka Umino has written yet another scathing critique of Kakashi Hatake's latest novel.

Kakashi smiled. While his editors and fellow authors from his writer's circle, Anko, Gai, Jeraiya (Kakashi's mentor and Idol), Kurenai, and Asuma were indignant on his behalf.

Kakashi never seemed to be ruffled by such painful barbed arrows of scathing printed words. He simply cut the latest article out of the paper and newest black and white picture of the cute bright dolphin that seemed to hate yet read every book the author ever wrote.

"He's very critical which only makes me strive harder towards his eventual good review of my future works!" smirked Kakashi with a wink of his one good eye, its gray cold blue depths twinkling in an emotion one could only name as adoring.

Asuma choked on his cigarette while Kurenai patted his back.

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- - - - - - - - - - -

Lady Tsunade did not look happy to see another scathing critique of her number one author's books. Lord Sarutobi was simply amused.

"Now, now, no matter how critical the review, Hatake's books still sell by the millions. Don't let it bother you so much, Tsunade-chan."

She continued to frown. "I am Kakashi's editor. Every time that upstart criticizes his works, he criticizes me as well… and my taste!"

She glared at the review that called the latest book in Jeraiya's and Kakashi's Itcha Itcha series, a tasteless romp into the pits of clichéd depravity.

_**The latest book in the horrible Itcha Itcha Trash series comes to a new low with little plot and depictions so horrendous it leaves little left to the imagination and has more tasteless porn then a washed up dish network.**_

Sarutobi blinked, then chuckled some more. "He sounds very offended, doesn't he?" chuckle chuckle, sigh. "In this industry Nade-chan, biting reviews are as good as glowing reviews. It gets people curious to see what could possibly be so horrible."

"Why do you put up with this Umino kid? Can't we pull some strings and get him fired?"

"He's very talented and he's well loved by many readers. Besides I like him and so does Kakashi." Smiled the crafty old timer.

Lady Tsunade just shook her head. "I just don't get it." She muttered. "I just don't get it."

- - - - - - - - - - -

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**TBC**

Apologies for how short this chapter is. I have a feeling most chapters in this story will be short. I hope I can make with the humor in this story. :D

I look forward to your reviews.


	2. Ch 2: Strange Phone Call

Romance Authors and Their Critics

**Author Notes:**

My apologies for short chapters, I understand they can be boring. I will try my best as the story unfolds to write longer chapters. :D

Thank you to all my reviewers! Your reviews are greatly appreciated.  
Lia, Jumpingbeans480, Ryu Earth, angelofshad0ws, VescaWithoutWings, rry  
Kind regards,  
Jazzy.

**on another note**: I have seen a cute picture on live journal lately, I think its Kiterie's avatar. So cute with a chibi Kakashi holding onto a cute Dolphin plushy. I've also seen a cute chibi Iruka with a plushy (voodoo) Kakashi doll being hugged to death as well. So cute! I feel the need to draw! :D

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Title: **Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover!?**  
Fandom: NARUTO  
Author: Jazzy aka AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

**Main Pairing**: Kakashi/Iruka (eventually)  
Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)

**Category/Warning:** Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F, AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor (lots of it).

**Warning2: **Unbeta'd(aplogies for any spelling or grammar issues. Mostly my own mistakes but also FanFic has been having some formatting issues, so I say 50/50 is my fault.)

**Summary: Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. TT We only hurt the ones we love, don't we? LOL**

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word count: 989

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**Part Two**

**The News Paper**

Ibiki is both manager and boss, though the employees own a percentage of the newspaper. Izumo, Kotetsu, Genma, Raidou and Iruka all work at, and run the same newspaper together.

Ibiki smiled at Iruka. Ibiki was hard to impress. Iruka was feeling elated and quite satisfied with his latest masterpiece of critical writing.

Kotetsu and Izumo were giving him thumbs up. Genma smiled his usual lazy smile, a hidden smile of anticipation while Raidou passed out coffee from the nearest Dutch Brothers from down the road.

"Hmmm, Dutch Brothers." Moaned Iruka, taking his first orgasmic sip of the creamy substance. He never thought he would love something more than the StarBucks Marble Mocha Macchiato or the Holiday Mint or Eggnog specials, but Dutch Brothers made him think of warm homey things.

Like, back in Japan on his Auntie's farm with his sister Shizune when they were very young and before the fire that had taken most of their clan, leaving the two of them orphans. Dutch Brothers did not skimp on the sweet fattening delicious cream. It reminded him of the cream his family churned for his Auntie to use for whatever delightful dessert Auntie was making that night.

With the warmth also came the sadness. But at least he was in America now and he still had Shizune by his side as well as their newly adopted children: Gaara Gothic teen; Sasuke the brooder; and Naruto the loud and fun of the three. Despite their differences the three boys were very tight knit. Iruka couldn't help but feel a lot of pride in them. He gazed lovingly at the family photo on his PC screen.

Naruto's smile was larger than life and his blue eyes sparkled brightly. Shizune was conservative but smiled sweetly, while Gaara tried to smile and came off looking rather angelic yet off somehow, and Sasuke's face was as usual absent of emotion but it was there in his eyes. He was such a stoic and unhappy little fellow. Iruka worried about him the most out of the three; at least Gaara had medication to help him. Sasuke refused to take any at all.

It didn't go unnoticed that Genma had a crush on him. Raidou his long time partner bopped him over the head. "Get your pervert thoughts off of Iruka, Gen or you'll be sleeping on the floor tonight."

"Aww Raidou, you know I love you best! Its just Iruka relaxes like that only when the coffee comes around, and his accent and that cute little wrinkling of his nose and the wriggling of his toes and the squirming in his chair…"

"Okay, its official! Way too much TMI!" growled Raidou, rolling up a left over paper aiming to use it to bash Genma over the head with it. Genma eeped, leaped from his chair running as fast as he could with Raidou running after him chasing him around the office.

Kotetsu and Izumo giggled like the younger guys that they were. Ibiki scowled at the antics of his employees slash partners and again asked the gods what it was that burdened him with such troublesome people in his life.

Iruka blushed painfully hot. His cell phone came alive with a song from the Hidden Dragon Crouching Tiger sound track.

He blinked at the number. He didn't recognize it. He frowned quizzically then flipped the phone open to answer it.

"Moshi moshi?"

"eh? Is this uh, Iruka Umino's phone?" asked an uncertain husky male voice on the other side of the line.

"Hai, I mean, yes." replied Iruka hesitant. "I am Umino Iruka, I mean Iruka Umino, who is this pris?" He asked remembering to use the english way of address.

Strong Japanese accent in a mild toned voice, a voice that made the man on the other line practically faint with instant uncontrollable desire. He hung up.

Iruka blinked at the handset. Did this person just hang up on him? Or was the connection severed due to reception issues?

"Ha-yo, ha-yo? Are you dare?" A pause, waiting for a reply or some indication that the person on the other line was still there. Nothing.

Finally Iruka voiced a few sharp words in Japanese voicing both his exasperation and frustration.

"Is better not be prank call." He grumbled, irritably, forgetting all about the moment of bliss he'd had before the phone sang.

"I so dislike cell-phones." He grumbled. After another moment of simply just breathing, hit Tai Chi training coming in handy to help with his temperament issues, he let the emotion dissipate and let his coffee call to him like the siren that it was. However he found to his disappointment his coffee no longer satisfied him or gave him the warm fuzzies, instead Iruka was disturbed.

What a strange call?

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**TBC**

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**see you next time on Naruto Fiction!**

**I've kinda based Iruka's accent off of what I've heard on Heroes (I love Ando & Hiro) and on some of the Japanese and Korean Import films, TV series, I've been watching lately. :D**


	3. Ch 3: The Anti Iruka Club

Title: **Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover!?  
**Author: Jazzy  
AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka  
Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)  
Category/Warning: Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F  
AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor.

Summary: Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?

_word count: 3,490_

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**Part Three**

The Fan Club also known as: The Itcha Itcha Fan Club, The Hatake Kakashi Fan Club, The Defend Itcha Itcha League, Lunatic Romantics Paradisu Club! Followers of the Sage and Alcolite Club, The We LOVE Kakashi Hatake and Jeraiya He's the Man! Club! The Itcha Itcha Lovers Against Critics Like Iruka Umino Club and etc.. and so forth and forthwith.

"Order, order, a call to order!" cried the head of the fan club for Itcha Itcha and its authors, Hatake and Jeraiya, Captain Ebisu.

On the walls were targets with the faces of the critics that have written bad reviews for their favorite obsessions. They were pictures riddled with dart holes from all the dart practice games and competitions. The most hated critic of all and whose picture was most seen on the dart boards was that of the young critic book reviewer, his picture was defamed with devil horns and devil accessories. His picture was the most reviled, the most used for their frustrations and displeasure.

Ebisu glared darkly at the newest article and held it up for the other fans to boo at.

"This Iruka Umino is becoming quite a pain. We have sent him letters, emails, blogged him, lj'd him, and yes have called his office phone! And still this man calls our beloved Itcha Itcha, our handsome Kakashi Hatake and the wise man of our romance lives, the sage of virility, Jeriaya, lowest hacks of regurgitation! He has called them tasteless and cliché! And has gone so far as if he hadn't gone far enough! But has gone so far as to criticize even the readers for buying and encouraging the publication of this so-called 'trash'. He says to us to stop buying Itcha Itcha!"

Gasps of horror and sudden crashing silence descends over the crowd. Every reader and fan were suddenly alight with unholy righteous fire. That Iruka Umino was now enemy number one in all of their books.

"We must step up our campaign and see to his removal from the critic section of his paper! We must boycott the GoodFellasTimes!"

Hiashi Huyga, Shikaku Nara, and Shibi Aburame wept tears of manly sorrow. They adored that paper, and personally they liked Iruka because Iruka was a good guy who happened to have three kids who happened to be friends with their kids and so they did not want to hurt their friend and yet he had just gone too far. Perhaps if they could talk some sense into him? Maybe beg him to reconsider his opinion on Itcha Itcha?

"Captain Ebisu, must we boycott the paper?"

"YES, we must." Cried Captain Ebisu impassioned. "I know GoodFellasTimes is an awesome and up to date journal with fantastic articles and things that call to every man and woman among us, but we must make them understand, we mean business and we want Umino to write a huge apology and to stop dissing Itcha Itcha!"

"But Captain, doesn't the constitution allow for freedom of speech and opinion?"

Ebisu sniffed, scowled, then sniffed some more. "well, duh, of course! That's what makes America so great!"

"well." Ventured Hiashi nervously. "Don't you think it's a bit wrong of us to try to force our opinions on to Iruka?"

"Whose side are you on?" roared Ebisu. "Are you not a fan of Itcha Itcha? Does not Itcha Itcha help every last one of us with the ladies?"

The Vice President elbowed the president, Captain Ebisu, in the ribs.

"Kof hack kof," coughed Ebisu.

"Yes, that is, with the ladies and with the gents?" asked Ebisu a little self consciously. If you're a leader you had to be politically correct. Liek the constitution of America. No hate a man for the color of his skin or the race or religion or creed or sexual preferences a man prefered or a lady prefered etc. or something like that. PR was very important and Ebisu had to keep mindful of it.

Eisu was a ladies man personally and felt rather weird about the whole gay thing even if Kakashi Hatake, his all time favorite author and idol happened to be gay and Ebisu didn't hold it against that brilliant literary genius, still it was a subject he was uncomfortable with and besides even if Kakashi was gay, the man definitely knew how to write good porn- er romance. Te he!

The crowd cried "YES"

Hiashi flinched and tried to make himself as small as possible. "I uh, yes, I mean of course I'm a huge fan and on the side of Itcha Itcha, of course; I'm just saying, let's not turn this into a witch hunt, that's all."

Shikaku and Shibi agreed with their friend and fellow parent.

"Gentlemen, we're rational modern day human beings, what do you take us for? Dark age barbarians?" asked Ebisu, ending his question with a confident laugh.

The three men blushed and were quick to apologize and make light of their worries at least on the outside but each man had his doubts.

Sometimes Captain Ebisu could get caught up in his own grand schemes and things had a way of turning into a disaster. Not that the guy ever meant any real harm. Ebisu was just a rather passionate and kind of baffoony kind of guy, a great guy to hang out with. He was fun and interesting but he could get a little carried away with things.

Hiashi, Shikaku, and Shibi didn't want to see anything bad come of this meeting that was all.

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**Meanwhile elsewhere in the city of Konoha**

Shizune Umino smiled at her brother as he was on time as usual. The two Uminos were time conscious and responsible people. They also happened to have one car, a mini van. The mini van was used for vacations, for moving, for shuttling the kids from one after school sports things to family vacations.

Shizune was glad her brother was a partner in a successful newspaper and with that success Iruka was in charge of his own schedule. Iruka spent time with his family, was always off work at 2 pm sharp every day but it meant he started work fairly early in the morning as well, 6am. He had most weekends off unless the newspaper was behind schedule then he worked over time.

Shizune was mainly a real estate agent, part time, plus she did water paintings in the traditional style and sold them on line. She made out okay and had her own schedule and was mainly a at home mother. Life was pretty good even if she and her brother had suffered a lot of set backs in their earlier years; including surviving a fire that destroyed most of their family back in Japan when they were still children.

As orphaned children they had bounced around from one scant relative to the next until their late teens. It was then that they were shipped to America to stay with an elderly great aunty. The Umino Clan had never been wealthy and so extra mouths were hard on everyone but the Clan members that were left were too proud to just let blood be handed over to the state and so it was Iruka and Shizune had bounced around from one relative to the next, year after year until they came of age and ended up in America with that great old dame.

Iruka and Shizune inherited her house and a little bit of money, as well as applied for citizenship. Auntie's money had been barely enough for Iruka to help pitch in with a starting investment and to see his newspaper with some friends from college take off and become a great journal for information and entertainment reviews. Iruka even published on-line and managed the newspaper's blog.

With their stable life and comfortable money; here they were now in their late twenties and had just recently adopted three troubled teens. They were a tight knit and pretty happy family in spite of early miseries. The kids were good at heart even if they did have some issues but Shizune couldn't have loved those kids more than if they had been blood. The feeling was the same if not more intense for her brother. Iruka was more of the mother-hen type then Shizune was.

Iruka should probably have been a teacher but with his heavy accent most people had a hard time understanding him and so the teaching field at least when he had been younger had been closed off to him unless he only wanted to teach Japanese, which he didn't want to do. But now that his accent had mellowed somewhat Iruka did volunteer work as well as find the time to fret over his three kids.

**The mini van pulled into the drive**, the kids threw their duffle bags into the back then piled into their seats with Iruka calling for them to buckle in.

Shizune chuckled at her worry wart of a brother. She would always love him and be grateful to have him for her brother. If not for Iruka she would have died in the fires like their parents had. Iruka was an insomniac some times, he had a sixth sense when it came to danger. It was probably because he was so sensitive and caring. That tragic night when they had been eight years old Iruka had come charging into her room, smoke black and thick, heat smothering her, flames eating away at the walls as if it were a voracious animal, Iruka had dragged her to safety even if he had been injured himself in the fires namely the scar that graced his nose and cheeks. Something had cut her brothers face during the fire when the house was coming down on and around them.

Iruka had been strong seeing to his sister and then trying to go back in to help the adults but by that time a rag tag volunteer fire department arrived too late to save anyone let alone allow for a child to go back in to the flames and do their jobs for them.

Iruka smiled at his sister. In Japanese he inquired. "What are you thinking about, oni-chan? You have such a look in your face, its almost sad."

She smiled gently at her brother. "Just remembering." She replied.

"Hey, you two, English!" cried Naruto. "Are we going to have Ramen after the Dojo?"

Iruka laughed at Naruto's enthusiasm. "Sorry Naru-chan, I weel try to ree-memba speaka Engwish in your prezentz. No ramen, no healthy for growing boy."

Naruto pouted kicking his feet into his brothers chair in front of him. "But I love Ramen!"

"Hey, loser, knock it off." Growled Sasuke.

"Sasuke!" hissed both Shizune and Iruka as one entity. "No call your ototo a loser." They chastised. Iruka giving him the look of doom.

Sasuke blushed squirmed then turned his face away from the adults and glared out the window. "Why couldn't you have adopted someone smarter than Naruto." He muttered darkly.

Gaara scowled at Sasuke and cuddled against Naruto protectively. Gaara was a goth punk, in black eyeliner and black lipstick, but he carried a teddybear around with him and he had a sleeping disorder as well as a strong case of bipolar depressive disorder and strangely he was Naruto's defender and staunchest brother. Naruto was Gaara's sunshine, his light, his good mood, his sanity even if Naruto could cause a case of psychosis in anybody even in Gaara. At those times Gaara found a hiding place and didn't come out until the psychotic mood was over and he no longer felt the blood thirst within him.

Naruto has ADHD, attention deficit hyperactive disorder, even on medication Naruto was hardly ever calm, he had to always be moving, talking or running around causing trouble. But for all of that Naruto was a kind person a very loving person a very positive and stalwart and steadfast person. He was a good person to have at your back in a fight. Gaara liked him even more than his own real brother or real sister. Gaara knew it wasn't Temari Sabaku or Kankuro Sabaku's fault that life had split them up. Temari had only been able to keep one of the two young boy siblings and unfortunately with her part time job and college she couldn't give Gaara the care he needed with his problems, notl ike Iruka and Shizune Umino could and did. Iruka and Shizune though made sure The Sabaku siblings met often in arranged meetings and family get togethers, mostly during the holidays.

Gaara had lucked out, and knew it very well, with the kind of people who had adopted him. Shizune and Iruka believed very strongly in family and they were unselfish and very giving and very blessed people. They were even asisting Temari with some of her expenses now that the newspaper was taking off and making decent money. Gaara liked having such a large family and Iruka was always there for him. Iruka tucked him in at night and would even sit in the chair by his bed until the night terrors left him alone. Iruka never complained. he just kept giving and giving of his time and of his love. Gaara adored Iruka and Naruto, they were both loving and loud people. Sasuke had moments and could be like Shizune some times, quiet and gentle, artistic. But he knew Sasuke had a brother complex and had been a witness to a mass murder and so wasn't exactly mentlaly well. Sasuke was probably more f'd up than even Gaara was. Gaara almost wished Sasuke would get onsome medications but he could see that Naruto was having an effect on Sasuke, thawing his cold arrogant self, Iruka and Shizune though were the most effective and affecting of Sasuke.

There was no doubt they loved him unconditionally but would not put up with his crap and they often called him on it too. Unlike the foster parents before them or the other people that had babied and allowed Sasuke to behave in such an arrogant and terrible manner. Sasuke would be inheriting a lot of money come his twenty-first birthday. How Sasuke ever got put into a home or a state facility no one really knew all the gorey details but it was in the news a while back about a Guardian taking advantage and embezzlment and things like that. The company survived and Sasuke would still have a company to come home to as well as thousands, possibly millions, of dollars when he came of age. But for the mean time Sasuke was in the Uminos custody and would stay so until he was of age.

Gaara frowned, tuning back in on the conversation between Iruka and Sasuke.

"I weel pretenda I did not hear you say zat Sasuke-kun." Glared Iruka. "I know zee Dojo weel be punishment enough for you. You steel hava yot to make up for since yast kyassa. A de-me-er-eets, yes?" Iruka smiled evily at the now scrunched up Sasuke.

"lots of demerits" giggled Naruto, feeling a little satisfied that the arrogant jerk was still paying for his acts of transgression against Naruto from yesterday's class. Gaara grinned at that as well.

"It wasn't my fault!" protested Sasuke. "if Naruto hadn't provoked me."

"enougha!" roared Iruka. "You veel take re-spon-sibil-itee for your act-chons!"

The boys winced.

Iruka growled. "grrr!"

In Japanese he ranted (if you hadn't have lost your temper and tried to hurt Naru-chan you would not be doing a hundred laps and a hundred push ups and a hundred sit-ups! Martial arts is about control. You lost control. You tried to hurt Naru-chan!)

Shizune closed her eyes and did a prayer for safety.

Naruto and Gaara each gave Sasuke a look of "Oh, now you've done it".

When Iruka was angry he lost all abilities to speak in or make himself understood in English. Shizune tried to calm Iruka down. Speaking gently to him in Japanese reminding him also of his responsibilities as the boy's father and role model and he was behind the wheel right now and in a highly agitated state that could get them all killed.

Iruka took a deep calming breath then once again turned back on to his Tai Chi training. He calmed. He smiled sweetly at his kids. Then turned to face the road like a warrior. There were four close calls, much honking of horns, and a screech of Iruka's tires as they pulled into the Dojo's parking lot.

Sensei TenTen and her business as well as life partner Sensei Sakura were waiting for them. They were greeted as usual. The Senseis speaking animatedly with Iruka and Shizune and hustling in the teens then a parting of the ways as each was allowed to get dressed and ready for class in the curtained private area of the gym.

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**10 minutes later**

Iruka welcomed the discipline of mind and body, gracefully moving from one form into another form, going from Tai Chi to Judo forms to his Tae Kwon Do and Karate forms. As usual TenTen watched him and helped him if there was a flaw, which was rare. Iruka would be earning his masters soon.

TenTen and Iruka dated once in High School. They had a lasting friendship and a deep respect for one another. Shizune was just sad the two hadn't worked out though she could admit sadly that TenTen was very happy with her partner Sakura. Both were strong women though Sakura was the prettier and more feminine of the two.

Shizune had tried match makers for her brother and blind dates but nothing ever seemed to come of it. Iruka it seemed was destined to be alone. Shizune was dating Ibiki and discussions of marriage had recently come up between the two of them. She was worried about telling Iruka. Iruka knew they were dating but he still had no clue how serious Shizune and Ibiki were about one another. She didn't want to leave her brother alone, nor leave the kids. She discussed perhaps Ibiki coming to their house and moving in and the three adults raising the children together.

Ibiki was still thinking it over. But Shizune didn't think it would go as she was hoping. Ibiki was a private person and uncomfortable around kids. Iruka was the main parent. The boys were his and under his name, but Shizune loved them just as much and was raising them alongside of her brother. They were a family. She wanted Ibiki to become part of that family.

Iruka looked at his sister knowingly as Ibiki entered the gym and sat down in the non participant's seating area where Shizune was currently seated doing some needlework. She was working on a silk brocade pillow with a pattern of reeds and cranes.

Iruka knew. Ibiki was special to Shizune. Ibiki was going to become his brother in law. He could sense it. Ibiki doted on her. Loved her. But Ibiki wasn't going to be moving in with them and helping them to raise their three boys. Iruka knew and he couldn't hold it against Ibiki. The man was a good uncle and if he had a kid of his own he might even be considered to become a good father but Iruka knew Ibiki, had known the man eight years, senior year in college two years internships, and finally their own paper. Ibiki was a strong man. Ibiki was a taciturn and private man.

Naruto and Sasuke and Gaara all three together would be the man's undoing if he had to spend every day with them for the rest of their years together at home. Iruka understood that Ibiki wanted and loved Shizune and would most likely like to have a child or two with her but not these three trouble kids.

Iruka didn't hold it against his friend. He understood it took special skills and a special kind of person to take care of his three trouble boys. Iruka had the inner strength and the love to give his kids where Ibiki did not.

Iruka had let Shizune know it would be all right. She would still be welcomed in their home. The boys would still be part of her life. She could still come over every day and take care of them if she wanted and etc. They would still be a family whether she still lived with them or not. Ibiki had his eye on a house at the end of the block so they wouldn't be all that far away if she decided to maker a life with her steady boyfriend.

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**TBC**

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Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated, even if I don't always reply right away to them. :D

Thank you for your reviews.

Please review. ;D


	4. Ch 4: Stalker

My apologies! I meant to have this posted before now… but RL has been very busy! Halloween, Family, getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh and a terrible COLD!

Thank you, my Beloved, Oni-chan/Sister, for infecting me! Arrrrggggggg! Hack Cough Hack, Sniff Sniff, Achooo! Oh my poor raw nose. Oh how it hurts and drips, eeeeeeeewwwwww! Pain. Sniffle Sniffle. Achoo!

The author is suffering so please forgive her!

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Disclaimer: Naruto Owned by Viz media & Masashi Kishimoto, I do not own nor do I make profit from Naruto.

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Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! **__**Eeep! Lover!?**_

Fandom: **NARUTO**

Author: Jazzy  
AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka

Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)

**Category/Warning:** Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F, AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor.

**Summary**: _Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?_

_word count: 2,171_

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**Part Four**

**THE STALKER**

Tip toe, tip toe, tippity tip tip tippity toe. This mantra sang in his silver head on repeat as he followed his prey all over town.

Oh crap! duck, quick!

Did he spot me?

No. YES! I'm bad, I'm so bad, like VanDam bad!

Te hee!

Tip toe, tip toe, tippity tip tip tippity toe.

Swerve! Where did that crazy old lady come from? Jeeze, what did she do to that dog? It practically begs, kill me!

Oh my God, Iruka!

Quick, duck and roll, hide behind the telephone booth.

Hold breath, suck in chest, make self thinner.

Don't see me. Don't see me! Kakashi Hatake begged. Don't let him see me, or the jig will be up!

Kakashi Hatake breathed in a gusty breath of air in relief.

Iruka Umino was currently making his way to the grocery store, one bright eyed blonde adopted adolescent teenage loud mouth pain in the butte tagging along. That kid had an uncanny sense of knowing the two of them were being followed.

Iruka was oblivious in his cute little dolphin-ish way.

So cute!

Cute little freckles.

Cute Dark brown hair.

Cute wide dark obsidian eyes.

Cute

Cute

So cute.

Kakashi sighed.

Kakashi felt as if he was walking on cloud nine.

Iruka was so graceful. So full of life! Iruka's laugh was encompassing. It was such a warm happy sound. It made Kakashi want to join in. The blonde seemed to be cut from the same cloth as his foster dad. They shared several jokes and laughs. They were energy incarnate. They were so bright, so warm, and so lively.

Kakashi was a tongue-tied idiot so much in love with the critical reviewer that he was reduced to pure idiocy.

Kakashi Hatake was stalking Iruka Umino.

* * *

Kakashi had no clue just how out of place he looked. He was a tall lithe man dressed in a pair of dark shades, fedora, and long trench coat. He looked very suspicious. The security guard tracked him through the grocery, watching the weird sneaky behavior with a puzzled expression on his face.

What the hell was this freak up to? Thought the security guard. He radioed the camera station. "You guys got that guy in the trench coat and shades on the screen?"

"Yeah Frank."

"Can you guys tell what it is he's up to?"

"I think he's following the short Asian guy with the blonde kid."

"Really? That's it?" asked Frank disquieted.

"Well, he's reading Itcha Itcha as well."

"Holy Crap! We've got a real pervert on the premises! That's it! I'm getting him out of this store."

"You can't Frank! He's not stealing anything. We can't just throw out a guy just because he's reading Itcha Itcha and following another person not unless there's a restraining order on the pervert. You know the rules. Besides the big cheese ain't going to like losing a customer."

"dang greedy corporate bastards! This is a grocery store! What ever happened to, you know, cleanliness, wholesomeness?"

"It don't pay."

"But this is a place where kids and family, ya know, this is a family establishment." Insisted Frank stubbornly.

"All you can do is ask him to put the itcha itcha away, or to put a cover over it so it can't be visible to little kids. That is all."

Frank the security guard is of course not happy.

* * *

Meanwhile Kakashi was multi tasking. He was following, drooling over Iruka, reading his currently released Itcha Itcha, and also grocery shopping. His cart was almost full with a month's worth of food and snacks.

Kakashi was oblivious to the unhappy security guard watching him with narrowed eyes and suspicious gaze.

Kakashi did a lot of sighing while reaching over to a shelf and putting things into his cart. He trailed after the equally oblivious Iruka while the blonde kid bit his lip and kept shooting furtive looks over at Kakashi.

The kid was obviously going to figure it out soon. And yet, the kid was stubbornly not telling Iruka that they had a tag-along. The kid was obvious a devious little monster. What was he up to?

Kakashi began to worry.

Maybe it was time to part company with Iruka and his kid for the moment. Maybe he should start to veer off and go in the other direction, the frozen food section maybe? Or the produce section?

If the kid were to get Iruka to notice their tag-along maybe it was time to come up with another plan or a plausible lie to why he was following the delectable adorable dolphin.

Though Kakashi fretted and sweated with the blonde kid glaring at him from time to time with a more than knowing look in his big blue sapphire eyes, the kid did not tell Iruka that they were being followed. The kid was guarded and guarding Iruka from the stranger following behind them.

Check out came quickly. Kakashi parted with $250 while Iruka's bill was somewhere around $350. The blonde kid headed to the ice cream parlor Iruka trying hard to keep pace with the little ball of happy teen. Kakashi continued to follow after them. Ice cream sounded good.

* * *

**Warning! (This part a little hot and steamy!) Warning!**

* * *

He watched Iruka from across the street. He watched Iruka's tongue flicker over the scoop of melting chocolate royal. Iruka's tongue lapped and chased around the circumference of the round creamy scoop, bullying the frozen desert into a new form. His mouth hollowed in suction, licking and suckling the melting concoction of gooey fudge delight. His mouth dipped into the cone, his teethe gently bit into the cone itself.

Kakashi crossed his legs and shivered as he throbbed with heated desire. Iruka had a mouth to die for. It tempted and teased, it hunted down every drop of chocolate ice cream, savoring every texture, every sugary sweet, creamy drop. It made Kakashi fantasize what it would be like to be devoured by that mouth, sucked deep and hard, bullied into orgasm with every strong lap and suction, urged deeper into the heated cavern of mouth and throat.

Kakashi closed his eyes as he bit his lower lip so hard that he drew blood. He preyed like crazy he didn't cream himself.

Oh God! Iruka! He panted.

He could just imagine the sound Iruka would make rather sucking that ice cream or sucking Kakashi. Wet, heated, slurping, sighs of ravishment, sounds of pleasure.

* * *

**End (Hot and Steamy) End**

* * *

Pure

Blissful

Heaven!

Kakashi fainted clinging to the bus stop sign.

* * *

**Kakashi was sneaky but not that sneaky.**

Over the next three weeks Iruka started to notice the stranger with the silver hair, catching glimpses of him in store windows or in his car mirror, this odd tall man in his trench coat and hat and shades. Iruka wondered if it was some sort of private eye following him around for some strange mysterious reason.

Among that mystery followed closely by hundred of hate mail a weak as well as spam on the website attempted hijacking of his blog and newspaper's website, all of it aimed at discouraging and shaming Iruka into apologizing for his opinions of Kakashi Hatake and Jeraiya's Itcha Itcha series.

Many letters, may phone calls, many picketers demanded that he step down from the paper. Boycotting and picketing had become part and parcel of every day life for Iruka and his partners at the GoodFellasTimes.

Ibiki Morino was not happy.

Kotetsu and Izumo had started to become afraid of coming into work. These crazy people were out of control.

Iruka was flabbergasted. He had not believed it possible that Otaku too lived here in the USA. He supposed wherever passionate people lived Otaku would always come about.

Iruka felt ashamed that his friends and coworkers were going through so much trouble on his behalf. Ibiki refused to allow him to step down.

"You invested in this paper." Growled Ibiki. "You work hard and you have a family and you are a decent human being. I won't allow this crap to force you away from this paper or the career that you love!"

"This paper wouldn't have even been born if it wasn't for you and your encouragement to each of us in those dark drastic penniless days in the first year of this paper's running. No way in hell am I going to let you give up this job when you wouldn't let us give up!"

It was the longest most heart felt speech Iruka had ever heard Ibiki make. Iruka felt tears dampen his eyes.

"Ibiki-sama!" sobbed Iruka. He fell back on his customs from childhood and fell to his knees bowing before his powerful friend.

Ibiki blushed. "Get up get up. Don't bow like that, not to me. Come on Iruka. You're an American now. We don't bow to no one and no body. Stand up. Stand up." Ordered Ibiki embarrassed.

Ibiki helped Iruka to stand. Tears still streaming down the grateful Iruka's cheeks. Ibiki brushed him off and patted his shoulder encouraging his friend and would be brother in law.

"Now hold your head up. Walk proud. Don't you dare bow before anyone, got me!? You're an American, dammit." growled the gravel voiced Ibiki.

Ibiki was so manly. And he was so John Wayne like. Ibiki was just so strong!

Iruka admired him a great deal. Iruka could admit in his hidden heart of hearts he even had a bit of a man crush on Ibiki. It was too bad Ibiki was straight and Shizune's fiancé.

* * *

As Iruka returned to his desk his phone rang.

"Moshi Moshi."

Breathing.

"He-yo? He-yo?"

More breathing. A strangled sound.

"Who is dis pris?"

Squeak. Hang up.

Static

"Naruto-chan is you?"

Nothing, more static.

"Gaara-kun?"

Still nothing.

"Naru-chan, if dis you, dis not funny."

No reply. Nothing.

"He-yo? He-yo?"

"You dare?"

"He-yo?"

Iruka's voice was shaking as his nerves began to reach their breaking point. "Uh, Sasuke-kun is dis you?"

Still no response just silence.

Finally Iruka glared at his cell phone and checked the number on the calls received area. His dark brows furrowed into a storm cloud of anger. The phone number was hidden and there was no way to call back and track down the stranger calling his phone and leaving weird, even dare he think it, hentai-type calls.

"Dis is har-rass-ment!" he growled.

Iruka then let loose his frustrations and anger in a tidal wave of rapid Japanese. He eventually ran down on words and sentiments giving into a stealy calm coming over him.

"Dis has got to stoppa!" he growled having pressed the button long enough to turn it off, he then slammed the phone into his desk drawer and closed it and locked it away for the rest of the day with one last mutter.

"I hate cell phone."

This was very, very, worrisome. Like the Otaku camped outside the newspaper offices. So much trouble and all because of that terrible Itcha Itcha series!

* * *

**TBC**

* * *


	5. Ch 5: Jiraiya, Hentai, Sageof Love

Thank you to my reviewers. I appreciate your feedback and suggestions.

Jumpingbeans480, fan girl 666, KakashiXIrukaLover, Ryu Earth, loveslavender, rry, Lia,  
angelofshad0ws, VescaWithoutWings

Sincerely,

Jazzy

* * *

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! **__**Eeep! Lover!?  
**_Fandom: **NARUTO  
**Author: Jazzy  
AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka

Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)

**Category/Warning:** Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F  
Warning2: AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor.  
Warning 3: **NOT BETA'D**

**Summary**: _Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?_

_word count: 2,800_

**

* * *

**

**Jiraiya makes a memorable impression!**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Naruto and his brothers came across a strange old guy dressed in hippy clothes with long thick white hair tied in a long braid down his back, ending just above his butte. It looked like the man was taking notes in between fiendish perverted giggles.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. Sasuke scowled. Gaara gazed on the strange man with perplexity.

"Hey who the hell are you and what the hell do you think you're doing!" screamed Naruto. Shizune was in the dressing room. He didn't like the idea that some old geezer was looking at his pseudo mama with evil lusty eyes.

The old man, gasped, clutched at his chest, wretched for a moment, lost his balance and fell on his big butte. Then with great prowess and amazing elasticity the guy leaped back up from the ground and stood tall, puffing out his chest and taking a big giant breath before opening his equally loud mouth to introduce himself.

"I am the Wise sage of romance! The entrepreneur of Porn! The Great guru of love advice! I am the sage of ages! I am the greatest and the most adored of women. I am the The Great Jiraiya Sannin. Also known simply as Jiraiya The Love Doctor, and Jiraiya The Genius Author of Icha icha Paradisu series one! And series two through eight, as well as the brilliance behind Icha Icha Love Attack The New Generation of Love, co-authored with Kakashi Hatake, an eccentric but a good literary partner! I am none other than Jiraiya Sannin, Author of Genius."

The old geezer took a theatric bow as he ended his schpeel. Naruto scowled at the old timer. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Gaara looked up the stranger now with a queer look of interest.

All that Naruto heard, every word that came from the weirdo peeping in on the Ladies' swimming pool dress room was: "blah blah blah, Sage, blah blah blah, Wiseman, blah blah bla Love Attack, blah blah blah Hatake blah blah blah" which translated to in this particular troublemaker's mind: The Pervy Sage, Peeping Tom Extraordinaire!"

Naruto cracked his knuckles. Gaara smiled serenely, while his eyes glinted with even more interest as his brother got that look in his twinkling blue eyes, blood was going to flow. Gaara gracefully positioned himself into attack stance waiting for Naruto's signal. Sasuke scowled at both of his brothers but then shrugged, loosened his own muscles in anticipation of the short and dirty fight that was about to take place then he too went into fighting stance.

Jiraiya noticed the strange look about the three boys and felt sweat begin to pop out on his brow and under his arms. The aura of doom that was emanating from the trio of teens shook the older man. He was a peace loving old hippy who believed in free love. He did not want to fight a trio of hoodlums and look like a bad guy for beating up on a trio of young kids, especially in front of the lady's section of the swimming pool. Jiraiya made a hasty and not all that very dignified and escape. His flip flops, flip flopping at a steady rhythm as he ran for his life.

"YOU PERVERT!" screeched Naruto. "HENTAI SCUM! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM US!"

"**AFTER HIM**!!!" Naruto ordered.

The trio ran after the long legged swift stride pace of the older man. They would not easily let their quarry get away from them.

* * *

The authorities were not happy to see three boys chasing after an old goat, no matter what the transgression, disrespecting an elderly man who was minding his own business, doing research, should not have been chased down by a trio of punks.

Naruto protested vehemently. "He's a pervy sage! He was peeping on my Mom! He was peeping in on the ladies in the swimming dressing area! Honest! I ain't lying! Honest!" Naruto was near tears, he was so frustrated.

Sasuke and Gaara backe dup their younger brother's words. The authorities were not sure who to believe.

"We're calling your Dad." They insisted.

Naruto pouted. Gaara was cool as a cucumber. Sasuke was not pleased and highly embarrassed to be hauled in to the police station for being a good samaritan.

* * *

Iruka received a phone call from yet another number he did recognize let alone expect a call from the local police station regarding his three boys. As far as he was aware they were out with Shizune at the recreation center, going swimming and having a fun day.

Ibiki noticed his worry and let him absent himself from the premises. Outside the office crowded the still hostile fans of the Icha Icha Paradisu series. Also known as the Defensive League for the Freedom of Love Club. The Hatake Kakashi Fan Club. I the official I hate critics such as Iruka Umino club and etc. They were known by many names but Iruka mostly just called them Otaku.

It was insane.

The picketers kept chanting things like:

"Apologize Now!"

"One Two Iruka Umino must go!

Three Four Show him the door

Five Six No more critics!

Seven Eight Set Them Straight!

Nine Ten Start all over again!"

"Apologize Now!"

"Love the Icha Icha."

"Love, not Hate the icha icha"

"One Two Iruka umino must go!

Three Four Show him the door

Five Six No more critics!

Seven Eight Set Them Straight!

Nine Ten Start all over again!"

"Apologize Now!"

"Love, not Hate the icha icha"

And so forth and so on.

* * *

Ibiki scowled and glared from the door way as Iruka manfully tried to push his way through the crowding hostile picketers and their evil glares and their terrible chanting propaganda.

Ibiki's impressive stature and terrifying look was enough for now to force the protestors to back off of Iruka give him some space to get through the milling parade of Icha Icha worshipers.

As Iruka pulled out of the drive and started on the road towards the police department, from the corner of his eye and from out of his side-view mirror he glanced a few familiar faces as well as a pair of familiar shades one of which also was topped with scary silver bed head, caught his eye and mind, he felt his jaw drop in his shock.

He knew those people!

Aburame-san, Nara-san, Tsume Inuzuka-sama and Hana-chan, as well as Tsubaki and Mizuki-kun. Three of them were parents of his children's friends, people he gathered with and hung out with at parent teacher nights and in special school functions. These were people he thought were his friends. How could they participate in this insanity?

He glared at them nearly running into a pole on the side of the road as he screeched to a sudden stop.

How could Mizuki betray him? They were lovers! Okay more like sex buddies not exactly in a committed relationship to each other, just someone to hang with and have a good time with, someone to help with the sexual build up and frustrations in his life.

Mizuki had never seemed the type to read Icha Icha. What a horrible shock to find out his friends were all Otaku! Well at least he knew where they lived and could go visit them person to person and have a little chat with them to get to the bottom of this terrible witch hunt.

Iruka really couldn't understand why the fans of Icha Icha hated him so much. It wasn't as if he called the writers hacks or insulted them as bad writers if anything the two gentlemen were very brilliant but wasting their talents in Iruka's opinion.

Besides all of that, wasn't this America? Didn't he have a right to his opinions? Didn't he have a right to freedom of speech, free thought and expression? How could they hold it against him and hate him for making use of such freedoms?

They had a right to love Icha Icha and he had the right to hate it if he so liked, and even write those opinions of his in his newspaper if he wanted to!

The weirdo with silver bed head and trench coat waved at him in an oddly kind and encouraging way.

Iruka wasn't going to sit back and take this infringement on his rights to express his opinions. He was going to talk to those people and set them straight about some things and hopefully get his newspaper back up and running again and making a profit. The employees needed money for their families. How dared these people interfere in an honest day's bit of work? How rude they were!

He would tell them just as soon as he put the matter with his boys to rest first and then he was going to hunt down his so-called friends and give them a lecture to remember!

* * *

Meanwhile Kakashi returned home to his office to get to work on his latest draft of Icha Icha Love: Hot for Sensei!

Kakashi knew he had a dilemma. He could either keep allowing his fans to be hurtful to the man he loved or he could put his foot down and alienate his fans. Those same fans who were the source for his income. Those same fans that collected Icha Icha merchandise and watched the animated series as well as camped outside theaters for a month to watch a filmed version of their beloved Icha Icha. These people were so dedicated and they loved him as only the truly insane could.

Kakashi had no clue what to do. He couldn't afford to alienate his fans but how was he going to get the man he loved to love him in return if he kept allowing his fans to treat him like dirt?

Jiraiya flounced in at this point, he was also part owner of the office they shared, he flew into his chair, making the chair creak and sway dangerously from the force of impact. He let out a loud and heavy exhale.

"What's up with you? Haven't seen you look like that since that time in Vegas with that, what's her name, Justine, wasn't it? By the way, how's that divorce settlement coming along?"

Jiraiya had never liked Justine. There had always been something rather off about her. Something like a greedy crow that got her talons into an air head and knew it. She was a manipulator of the worst sort and as greedy as some women came!

Kakashi sighed then drooped mournfully at his desk, head falling with a quiet thunk onto his desk top.

"Ah, not going so good I see. And what ever happened to that prenuptial I warned you to make that witch lady sign?"

Kakashi seemed to shrink even more as his memories were jarred. Tsunade came abruptly and loudly to mind. His eyes widened suddenly then he beamed a very wide grin.

"Tsunade has it in her vault." Crowed the suddenly ecstatic literary genius.

"Aren't you glad we keep her around? Tsunade may be a bitch but she's one major good asset. She safe guards us better than some of those pit-bull, Rottweiler, dog buddies of yours."

"Pakkun is a pug." Pouted Kakashi, fingering the single picture on his desk of himself and a pack of dogs ranging from some pure breeds to mutt mixes, tiny dogs to large massive dogs.

Jiraiya snorted. "and he leads the pack no doubt!" this made Jiraiya twitch with suppressed laughter. Kakashi loved dogs and could be easily offended if someone laughed at him or at his dogs. Kakashi was so temperamental, but then again that was the kettle calling the pot black, because Jeraiya was even more temperamental than the insane Hatake.

"darned straight." Beamed Kakashi proudly.

"So, who you obsessing over this time?" inquired the senior writer.

Kakashi grinned like the maniac that he was. He reached into his bottom desk drawer with one hand scrounging around for his giant eight inch thick photo album of his main squeeze, and with the other hand he reached backward and over to his trench coat hanging on the coat rack behind him and dug around in a couple of pockets to bring out his newest treasures of newly developed photos straight from the photo shop from across the street.

Jiraiya's eyes widened as he recognized the individual in the hundreds of photos taken in candid poses from hidden places. Kakashi had once been a black ops spy in the military and he still had the skills. He was damned good at photography.

"oh my god, it can't be!" growled Jiraiya.

Kakashi's eyes crinkled as his smile grew in intensity and adoration. Those two eyes one brown and one red closed in his beaming love.

"Not Iruka Umino! Have you lost what mind you have left?" roared the outraged super Pervert.

"What's wrong with Iruka? He's got many good attributes. He helps underprivileged children, and he helps other kids how to read and write in English, he adopted three troubled orphans, he gives to charities and that's only the top of the list. I could go on and on and on forever about my little love-dolphin." Squeeled the love sick Kakashi.

"Have you forgotten what he's written about us? About our Icha Icha?!" growled the upset and starting to get furious Jiraiya.

Kakashi didn't answer he just continued to smother every picture with kisses, then continued to glue in the new pictures into the eight inch thick photo album.

"Hello! He called it trashy! He called our work of art trash, Kakashi! Are you listening? How can you love this guy?"

Kakashi blinked looked up from his photos of his obsession and scowled at his idol, his teacher, and literary partner. He looked almost ready to cry in spite of his fearsome glare.

"I didn't know you were anti-gay."

"I'm not!" hollered Jiraiya defensively. "I don't care who you fuck. Man woman, I'm a hippy, a believer in free love baby! Yeah, you know it! But this guy, Umino, my gods! He insulted us, ground the salt in our wounds, called us clichéd, tasteless and etc." Jiraiya felt indignant. He was an artist who did not take well to blatant criticism. He was also deeply insulted by Umino. How could Kakashi fall in love with the enemy?!

Holy crap! Not only was there a female Umino in the picture and what a cutie she was! But also there were those three brats from the swimming pool in those pictures as well. Those same darned brats that had chased him a good five miles before the fuzz took them into custody.

Jiraiya didn't need or want teenagers in his life and he sure as hell didn't want that critic in his life either!

"HE's OUR ENEMY!" roared the loud mouth, so-called, self-proclaimed, Sage of Love. "HE'S. YOUR. ENEMY." He ground out, through clenched teethe.

"Iruka is my Love-Dolphin." Cooed Kakashi. "I could never consider him an enemy." He caressed the glossy photo, salivating as the picture revealed a deeply outraged Iruka. Iruka was so cute when he was all fired up. Kakashi licked and sucked at the picture as if it were Iruka's mouth or silky skin.

Jiraiya gagged and then stormed from the office. In this mood he couldn't even begin to formulate the plot for the newest chapter of Icha Icha Love: Hot for Sensei. He needed a tall glass of strong alcohol to wash away the disturbing memory of Hatake French kissing a 12x8 glossy of a blushing Iruka Umino.

He's the enemy, the enemy, gosh darn it! Growled Jiraiya, stomping his feet loudly as he descended the stairs and took off for the nearest bar.

Maybe he could get Tsunade to talk some sense into Kakashi.

And yet he knew it would be futile. When Kakashi fell in love, well okay, turned overly obsessive about someone Kakashi never gave them up until the love was truly dead in his heart. Jiraiya would have a better chance dancing on coals without getting burned then to turn Kakashi away from his newest obsession.

But it didn't mean he wouldn't try to turn Kakashi from Iruka or rather get Tsunade to do it for him.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *


	6. Ch 6: Iruka's Hellish Night

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! **__**Eeep! Lover!?  
**_Fandom: **NARUTO  
**Author: Jazzy  
AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka  
Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)

**Category/Warning:** AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor, Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F .

**Summary**: _Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?_

NOT BETA'D

_word count: 3,974_

* * *

**Chapter Six**

Kakashi is tailing Iruka once more. Three teens in tow following Iruka into a school building. The blonde kid turns back to see Kakashi duck behind a trash dumpster. Sasuke scowls as he notices that they have a tail. It reminds him of when he was younger and the FBI or some bodyguard had trailed his father and older brother once long ago.

Kakashi sweated and hoped he hadn't been seen. He was so pathetic! Why was he stalking this journalist on his way to a parent teacher conference? Didn't Kakashi have better things to be doing than following at the heels of the man he was love sick about?

Like Icha Icha: Hot For Teacher Love, he wasn't even half way finished with the writing and he was way behind schedule on it. But something about Iruka just called to his every particle. He needed to be near Iruka. He needed to watch him and see him even from a distance. He just couldn't help himself.

He was truly possessed or obsessed by Iruka.

As he watched Iruka and his three sons Kakashi felt a little shaky. Would he make a good addition to an already made family like this one? Hell he shouldn't even be thinking so far ahead of himself. Iruka hadn't even been asked on a date yet but Kakashi loved Iruka, desired him, burned and yearned for him as he had never for anyone else ever in his entire life of 26 years upon this earth ever loved anyone as he loved Iruka.

It was all consuming.

Yet, when he watched the kids he felt his heart sink a little. Kakashi was not good with kids. And these kids all had special needs, needs that Iruka had come first for him. Kakashi would be second to Iruka's kids.

Could Kakashi handle that kind of relationship?

Could he ever handle coming second in Iruka's life? Iruka came first in Kakashi's life well, would come first in the future anyway, if Kakashi could ever get up the damned courage to ask him out.

* * *

The Next Day

"Moshi moshi."

Strangled sound. Heavy breathing.

Have to remember to breathe even with all the blood and oxygen going southward.

"HENTAI!" screeched the little dolphin.

Kakashi winced then pouted.

It wasn't as though his intentions had been of malice. Nor had he meant in any way to harm or harass a certain journalist; it was just, every time Iruka answered his phone with that cute little accent and those cute little "moshi moshi" words, well his libido just wouldn't allow for a coherent answer.

Every time he wanted to say something, nothing would come out. Okay, all except last time, yesterday, to be exact. He had finally gotten words out of his mouth, they just weren't exactly something one said unless in the privacy of the bedroom. Even a social idiot like him understood he'd crossed the line.

And now here he was trying to apologize and getting no where fast.

Quick dial. Ring Ring, more like the tha-thumping of a heart beat.

"Stoppa cah-ing me, Pervert!" growled Iruka. "I find you! I find you soon and when I do-a, I press charges." Slam went the phone.

Again Kakashi winced. Iruka really did have quite the temper. Kakashi sighed.

His hand went against his will and dialed the phone number again. This time he reached voice mail.

"The phone number you are trying to reach has been turned off at this time, if you wish to reach the caller please leave your name and number and the caller will get right back to you as soon as the phone is turned on again."

Beeep!

Kakashi scowled.

How could Iruka have turned off his phone?

How rude!

* * *

Kakashi kept his phone number private and hidden for a reason. He'd had a couple of stalkers of his own back in the beginning of his career so he knew what Iruka was going through. He didn't like that he was putting his love-dolphin through such stresses. But he couldn't help himself. His brain always seemed to stop working whenever Iruka picked up the phone.

He left his message then hit his head against his desk in a rythmic soothing motion.

He felt like such an idiot.

* * *

IRUKA's ODD DREAM  
(all of this is in Japanese, so please pretend its in Japanese. thank you. ;D)

His dream seemed to consist of cool tones, winter, and a feeling of being chased, doom and oppression. Iruka could hear music and he looked at the unrecognized dark countryside, a cemetery? Sculpted angels, head stones, a horse and rider monument, headless horseman?

Iruka shivered. What a nightmare. Why am I dreaming of such portents of doom and death?

_The games we played till now are at an end_… sang the mysterious husky masculine voice.

_What sweet seduction lies before us? _

_We're at the point, past the point of no return… The voice continued to croon, husky, and seductive with atone of possession._

Again Iruka shivered and this time felt a presence behind him. There was just something so familiar about this scene.

He looked behind him and locked eyes with a masked figure in a cape and tuxedo. His eyes burned with something that made Iruka's heart ache with pity, sadness, and something else, something forbidden.

The Phantom's eyes burned with passion, obsession, insanity, hunted, but that look didn't belong on his face it belonged to Iruka for Iruka felt like the hunted one.

Iruka gulped shivered turned to run, but arms wrapped themselves around him. A tall, lithe, and muscled body stepped into his body hugging him so close as to be a second skin.

"Why are you doing this?!" cried Iruka.

The man's single visible eye showed a deep sadness. An emptiness, aching and desiring to be filled with warmth and the love of the one he most adored above all else.

Iruka felt his body grow pained as his lungs fought the oxygen Iruka was trying like crazy to breathe in, but the heaviness in his chest was suffocating him.

_Why am I choking up? Why should I pity this fiend?_

_This is a dream._

_I have to wake up. I need to wake up._

The arms around him felt so real though. The grip like iron or the sleeves of a jacket from the insane asylum wrapped around him clutching him close in the tightest most desperate embrace Iruka had ever felt.

"Why are you haunting me like this, hunting me, like this?" he demanded, shrugged and wiggled out of the phantom's hold.

_Only you can make my song take flight. It's over now the music of the night. _Sang the phantom with a tone of finality and deep sadness, despair.

Iruka felt his heart pound with fear and terror and pity. No this couldn't be the end!

Suddenly Iruka was the one chasing after the Phantom.

Compassionate heart unwilling to let the phantom go in spite of all the wrong the Phantom had done to him, Iruka just couldn't let him go.

It was a dream and like dreams Iruka just knew things although they were confusing and made no sense.

Finally after a long hard chase Iruka felt tears come to his eyes as fire blazed in the near distance. The ceramic masque lay on the cold snow draped earth, frost bit into Iruka's fingers as trembling he touched then cradled the mask to his chest.

"Kakashi" He whispered, torn, heart pounding with terror and pain. Then finally Iruka jerked awake as the last few notes of the phantom came to a close and the fire seared his face.

* * *

"What a terrible dream." He muttered in japanese as he threw the covers off, "I wonder what it could possibly mean?" He wondered. Shivered.

"Maybe I need to get rid of that dvd and the cd collection? Perhaps I should never have gone to see that theater production alone. Goodness! But Phantom of the Operah only comes once in every ten years!"

"Its just a dream. A terrible horrible dream! Perhaps diner did not agree with me. Maybe it is the stress of being under attack all the time at the paper by those crazy fans of kakashi-san's."

He glared into the darkness of his room, scaring the shadows with his fearsome awesome glare.

Kakashi-san is truly a demon spawned of hell!

He tapped his toes on the cold wood of his floor then stuffed his feet into a pair of wooly slippers then he slipped on a blue terrycloth bathrobe, not exactly elegant but very warm and snuggly. He felt like a velveteen rabbit. His long dark hair had come loose of its braid and flowed naturally, wavy down his back and shoulders.

He had the sudden urge to check his home to make sure all the locks were locked, the doors clothes, windows sealed and children in their beds and errant dating sisters too.

Gaara was his last stop in his circulation through the cold house. As usual Gaara was insomniac but he lay quietly in his bed trying to at least appear as though he was resting. Iruka smiled warmly at his troubled son. Gaara like Naruto touched a special place in Iruka's heart and made it ache for him. Sasuke was so self-sufficient he rarely needed any kind of looking after but Gaara and Naruto were special. They needed a lot of love and attention which Iruka was more than willing to give.

"Ga-chan." He whispered in greeting as he came to settle in the chair next to the bed.

Gaara smiled his usual loving but tired smile at his favorite adult. "Iruka-san, I mean To-san, Dad."

Iruka smiled pleased and blushed. He still couldn't believe he was a dad. It pleased him and embarassed him that at least two of his foster/adopted kids felt comfortable enough with him to call him father.

Iruka turned on a night lamp then took out a book from the bookcase by the chair and bed. It was a nightly ritual between them. He would read Gaara a book and practice his english skills while trying to help his son have at least some sort of sleep for the night even if it never lasted very long, it was still a few extra hours that Gaara, a growing boy, needed for his health and growth.

"Lhord of da Rings?" asked Iruka.

The reading allowed had helped Iruka with his English as much as having his three sons trying to teach English to him.

Gaara smirked then shook his head. Iruka blinked and chuckled. "I suppose dis night is rather dark, neh? Okay, yets uh read, uh-mmm, Tom-a Hohlt-a?"

Gaara grinned outright. Tom Holt was very amusing. Like Esther Friesner's Deal with the Devil, such a fun author and all of his books were very smart and playful.

"Eh, lhets-a see-a, mmm, how you say, uh, dis word?"

Gaara read the word Iruka pointed out in the title a time or two trying to figure out what would be the best way of sounding it out for Iruka.

"Ba-arrr-kh –eee- eng, Barking."

Iruka tried to wrap his lips, his jaw, his tongue around the sound and syllables of the word.

"Baaah-rrrr-k-eee-enga! Bar-k-king-a"

Gaara giggled. "Close enough." He finally admitted when the giggles settled for him.

Iruka scowled.

"Noh, I vanta to say eet right."

"okay, okay, let's try it again. Barking. Ba-arrr-kh –eee- eng, Barking."

Iruka let his teeth click and jaw tense as he tried to say it silently as Gaara spoke the word. Gaara sounded it out three more times for his foster father before Iruka was satisfied that he would say the word correctly now.

"Bark-king, dis book is titled, Bark-inga, Bark-king."

Gaara clapped excitedly. "You did it Dad."

They beamed at each other like a couple of idiots for a moment or two longer then Iruka cracked open the book and read out loud the first couple of paragraphs as Gaara listened and slowly fell asleep to the rhythm of Iruka's accent and gentle voice.

* * *

A half hour passed by, then a second half hour went by, when Iruka finally satisfied Gaara was truly asleep and his own English lesson was adequate for the night; Iruka gently, silently, soundlessly made his way out of Gaara's room with enough stealth to make a ninja envious.

Iruka made one last circuit around the inside of his home. He was still disturbed by his dream and made his way to the kitchen by route of his personal study.

Iruka keeps Itcha Icha hidden in a locked cabinet in his office. He can't explain why he keeps them, especially the ones with Hatake's name on them, whether collaborated with Jiraiya or with some other name; Iruka always keeps Kakashi Hatake's books.

Iruka unlocks the cabinet and runs a finger down the spines of the books. There's just something in them that speaks to him. Kakashi in spite of his cliché prosaic and cheesy porn, has somehow managed tot ouch something inside of Iruka that isn't disgust. Kakashi has touched Iruka's traumas, Iruka's sadness and dreams.

Iruka sighed feeling suddenly alone and disturbed. Iruka feels the need to prowl his home just once more to make sure it is safe. He tucks Shizune in one more time and then each of the kids. They've all managed to kick their covers off or twisted themselves so firmly in the blankets that Iruka worries they might choke and die in the night because the blankets have become tourniquets, garrotes, whatever. So Iruka painstakingly and as quietly as possible untangles his child from his blankets then moves onto the last room that of Gaara again. Gaara is still blessedly out like a lamp.

* * *

Iruka prowls the halls and checks the locks on the windows once more and he makes sure they are indeed locked. He feels restless and uneasy. He can't explain it. He knows there is danger coming.

Iruka made tea the easy way, water, tea cup, tea and put it in his microwave. He put it on three minutes so he could open the microwave before it could ding and wake up any of the sleeping family members.

Shizune would know her brother had been awake through the night come the morning because Iruka always ended up forgetting to clear the display

Iruka makes a cup of tea for sleeping and sees out his window a figure hidden in shadow by a light pole with a couple of dogs in tow. A tall stranger in a trench coat outside across from his house on the other side of the street under a lamp, the stranger had messy silver hair, one side of his face hidden in mystery and shadows, with a bunch of dogs on leashes and a few walking loose but following the pack.

Iruka cursed as he realized he'd dropped his tea and its hot contents all over his lap, thank god for thick wooly bathrobes, if he'd worn his lighter silk kimono he'd have burnt his nether regions as it was, his robes was soaked and some of the water leaked down to his sweatpants but instead of major heat it felt a like a warm comfort. Still he did have one less teacup in his cupboard and pieces of glass was every where, shattered into tiny and big pieces alike.

Gaara came down to investigate, he being the lighter of all the sleepers and it being his usual time to wake even from a nighttime story that had eased him into a nice sleep. Gaara was simply cursed with insomnia. He could only sleep a few hours at a time.

"Oh, Ga-chan, Gomen, Gomen!" gasped Iruka.

"Er uh, care-ful, care-ful. Is uh gi-lassa ev-ee where." Warned Iruka, anxiously.

Gaara shrugged and took a step back from the kitchen. "are you okay Dad?" asked the pre-teen.

"Hai, hai, yes, yes, I am ok." He smiled proudly at his English pronunciation. "Shew shew, I ki-ly-en up, ok?"

Obviously Iruka didn't want to talk about it. Gaara looked at him oddly for a moment then shrugged then nodded. "When you're done cleaning Dad, can I have some tea, maybe mint? Or that Sleepy-time tea?"

Iruka nodded swiftly and eagerly. "Hai hai. I Ki-ly-en first zen I get you a cuppa tea."

Iruka gathered as many pieces as he could by hand before gathering the broom and sweeping up the floor a good sweep.

Furtively he glanced out the windows of the kitchen looking for searching for any sign of the tall man and his dogs. It was Kakashi and yet it couldn't be. Kakashi was out of town, away in Lake Oswego. But could not Kakashi's partner, that Jiraiya guy be the one in Lake Oswego instead of Kakashi?

_Stoppa! Stop stop! You're thinking paranoia! You had weird dream, now you think Kakashi is here in town and living down the street from you so he can catch you in your jammies? Come on! get real! _

Smack smack

"Uh, Dad, are you sure you're okay?" asked Gaara concerned. Iruka usually didn't hit himself in the face unless there was a very serious reason for it.

"hai!"

Iruka gathered two new cups and again heated the water and tea in the microwave. Iruka once again looked outside just to make sure that yes, the tall man and his pack of dogs, was gone.

Iruka was still deeply disturbed by his paranoid thoughts that maybe Kakashi, his personal stalker, had found his way to Iruka's neighborhood and was now more intimately and very closely keeping an even more disturbing eye on Iruka.

* * *

**The morning finds Iruka checking his voice mail.**

"Um, Iruka, um, I know you don't know me very well. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. Gomen, gomen. Uh By the way, please come interview me in person before the newest release of my newest book, Icha Icha Hot for Teacher Love hits the bookshelves fall of two thousand and nine. Uh this is Kakashi Hatake by the way, in case you were wondering."

Beep

"Uh Hi Iruka, me again, uh Kakashi Hatake that is, uh yes, um Gomen Gomen and again Gomen. I can speak Japanese now. teehee" nervous twitter of a laugh.

"Umm, I know my fans are being overly umm,"

Beep.

"Uh Hi me again, my fans are acting without my consent and I will think of something. What they are doing though flattering, is also not a nice thing. Not nice for you or for your business. And umm well that is I wanted to talk to you...."

Beep

"Dammit! Okay, this is the last message, I promise! What I wanted to say was, yeah, I am so sorry for how my fans are treating you and that I don't agree with them and I want to go out with you: Lunch, Dinner, Breakfast, coffee date? Interview me. I dont agree with what my fans are doing. Give me a call at..."

Beeep.

No matter how fast kakashi tried to talk he still hadn't beaten the beep. Iruka checked for more voice mail messages but the tape or rather the chip was full. Iruka scowled. But at least now he had a name and he knew he could get in touch with the publishing company and get in contact with Kakashi through them.

If this really is Kakashi Hatake-san. His paranoia whispered cynically in his ear.

Such a series of messages was surreal for Iruka. He couldn't quite believe his ears. Was this a deception? The phone number was of course still a mystery and was of course unlisted. This caller knew how to hide his tracks pretty well. Yet this caller would have him believe he is the notorious Kakashi Hatake co-author of the famous, billion dollar merchandising and literature industry of Icha Icha?!

This couldn't possibly be happening to him.

Kakashi by rights should hate Iruka because well, it was true Iruka never had a kind word for any of Kakashi's books. But to take it the stalking level was absurd!

Maybe it was just another picketer trying to scare Iruka even more with those pervert calls and then pretending to be the biggest perv of them all Hatake Kakashi himself!

Iruka was not about to be a fool. He was not going to fall for it! He would track down this stalker and then he would press charges.

Oh yes he would!

Believe it!

Iruka winced. He sounded like a certain blonde with a loud disposition. "Stop channeling Naruto. It's very disconcerting." He told himself in Japanese.

* * *

**TBC - chapter seven in the works! coming soon!**

* * *

A/N: Things may be a while incoming for RL has thrown me a couple of doozies. My sister broke her ankle and I am primarily taking care of her and taking care of the house and the animals, so my time on the computer will be short for a while. Three months at least! But I will try to update when possible, on ALL my fics. Thank you. Sincerely, Jazzy. EndA/N

Please review. All reviews appreciated.


	7. Ch 7: Iruka Mizuki Go Wild

**Warning, Warning, Warning**

**Sex Mizuki Iruka Sex. **

****

**Warning, Warning, Warning**

**This Chapter contains: Sex: Mizuki Iruka Sex. **

**You Have Been Warned!**

Category/Warning: AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor. Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F

* * *

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! **__**Eeep! Lover!?  
**_Author: Jazzy  
AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka

Rating: **NC-17 (M)**

**NOT BETA'D**

_**word count: 3,566**__

* * *

_

**Naruto Story Update news 10.21.2008:** Meaning chapter 10 now on page 7. Stuck in Darkness chapter 11 now on page 4. Bonds of Family on page 6 of Chapter 2.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

_-The Confrontation Gone Wild - Mizuki Sex-_

Iruka drove towards Mizuki's place to confront his off again on again lover that he did not appreciate the way his little club of Kakashi Groupies was treating him.

Mizuki smiled seductive as ever Iruka glanced around the apartment, searching for any signs of Tsubaki.

"Looking for the old chain and ball?" asked Mizuki teasingly.

"She is more Otaku than you are. You can be reason with, her she is Otaku."

Mizuki smiled into Iruka's eyes. "Its been a while Iruka. Come in."

The look in Mizuki's eyes was warm, very warm, almost smoldering. Iruka told himself to breathe and act normal.

Mizuki was so handsome with his forest green eyes and long silver hair and pretty features. Of course it didn't help Iruka's calm or self control much when his eyes stared in barely controlled lust on lips that were being licked by an eager pink tongue which brought visions into his mind of memories full blown heated color memories that had him aching and trying to cross his knees to keep from straying.

He'd already been down Mizuki's path too many times to count, enough to know that Mizuki was not going to ever leave Tsubaki no matter how many times he might wander and verge onto Iruka's path every now and again.

"God I miss you, Iruka." Breathed Mizuki, pouncing on Iruka with full force, eager heated mouth and hands.

Iruka staggered gasped tried to push Mizuki off but as usual found his resolve weak.

Mizuki gathered him into his strong arms and ushered him deeper into the apartment and into the bedroom, where soon they were divested of their cloths and let passion overrun any sense of control or rationale that either one of them might have had before Iruka had shown up at the door.

The talk and the confrontation of course didn't go as Iruka had planned.

* * *

**Warning, Warning, Warning**

**Sex Mizuki Iruka Sex. **

**Skip me Or Go Forward**

**Sex MizukIruka Sex. **

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Mizuki/Iruka Sex**

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mizuki had teased him, kissed him, caressed him, fucked him through the mattress, the wall, the door, the counter, the table, the couch, the chair, stealing every breath and every thought Iruka possessed.

"Oh god, yeah, oh fuck, I've missed you Ru-chan. You're so tight. So hot, oh, oooo, umm, yeah, velvet to my touch." Mizuki groaned as he stroked deeper into Iruka's willing body.

Mizuki panted in his ear, nips and licks, crushing hugs and forceful thrusts that made Iruka mewl with sensuous pleasure and moan in passion.

Mizuki's hands clenched around his hips then moved to Iruka's thighs, helping Iruka spread them wider for better access and control.

Mizuki let a constant stream of words escape from his brain and the one between his legs, panting, groaning, "More baby, spread those beautiful thighs for me, wider baby, take it in, take it deep, oh God, just like that. Fuck!" screamed a near ragged Mizuki as he drove his hard erect dick into Iruka's willing buttery, silken, velvet tunneling depths.

Iruka wanted to cum, he needed to cum. He was in tears begging in both broken English and breathless Japanese.

He thrashed and arched under Mizuki's powerful thrusts. Iruka's erection was leaking clear pearlescent droplets of passion. He tried to stroke himself but Mizuki's hands captured his hands, keeping them from coaxing an orgasm too soon. He forced Iruka into a better seat on his cock, jabbing over the tender glands, wringing cries from Iruka with every stroke of hard flesh over sensitive nerves.

"Na-ha, Ruka, You'll come only when I allow it."

"Pris, Pris." Sobbed Iruka desperate. "Pris."

Mizuki jerked his body hard, stilled, then groaned as orgasm found him and yet he was still hard and buried to his balls deep into Iruka. Iruka was overflowing with jism, sloshing with Mizuki's seed, making Mizuki feel particularly glowing with pride and ownership.

Mizuki licked the tears leaking from Iruka's doe-like brown eyes. Iruka trembled under him weeping, ass clutching and riding him even after he had cum inside of Iruka. He extracted his half hard dick and went to his knees, taking Iruka's erection into his mouth and hollowed his cheeks sucking on Iruka with all the force and lust he was still feeling for sometimes lover.

Iruka jerked gargled choked sobbed and moaned pumping his dick in and out of Mizuki's mouth. Mizuki's finger's dug into his hips and then the globes of his ass, stilling him for a more ravishing harsher suction, with a strangled scream of both pain and pleasure, Iruka shot his load into Mizuki's throat, sobbing as blessed orgasm shook through his whole body for a fourth time that evening, for a moment spots danced behind his eyes threatening black out.

"Now it's your turn, baby" panted Mizuki as his cock lengthened and hardened fully again. "Put that luscious mouth of yours to work, go down on me, blow me, Iruka, I need it."

Iruka looked at him with a dazed expression then smiled. _Men were by far much simpler then women,_thought Mizuki, pleased with Iruka's response to his request.

Iruka gave good head with a pleasing and hot technique, flickering tongue heavy suction, firm strokes with a hint of prostate play and finally bringing Mizuki to full completion.

"oh god, Iruka!" strangled cry as release shot into Iruka's warm wet lush mouth, flowing over tight lips and down and eagerly gulping throat. Iruka was so sexy with cum and saliva glistening at the corner of his lips and trailing over his chin and dripping down his sex stained tanned chest.

- - - - - - -

**Skipped Mizuki/Iruka Sex**

- - - - - - -

* * *

Mizuki smirked up at him with further pride. He knew that only he could do this to Iruka. No one before or since him had touched Iruka with this much passion or played Iruka like the well tuned fiddle that he was.

Iruka was sex.

Iruka tasted good in his mouth.

Iruka felt good wrapped around his hard aching dick, sometimes better than even Tsubaki did.

He just wished Iruka wasn't so prudish and old fashioned. For that matter he could wish the same on Tsubaki; though she was hardly prudish. Mizuki and Tsubaki could have had a great thing with Iruka but of course like Iruka Tsubaki didn't seem to be open to the possibility of a threesome type relationship.

Mizuki had needs and what Tsubaki didn't know Iruka and Mizuki could continue to live with.

"We need to do this more often Ruka." Panted Mizuki.

"Yeah, we do." Iruka laughed. He felt wonderful. Of course sex was good like that. It relaxed him and made all the build up and stresses in his body disappear.

Of course once the sex high was gone Iruka would remember exactly why it was that he didn't see Mizuki very often or why he didn't have sex with him either. It had been almost a year since he and Mizuki had last had intimate relations.

Mizuki was a married man. Mizuki was a man that didn't do commitment. Though Iruka supposed in a way Mizuki did do commitment since Mizuki only fucked men behind Tsubaki's back and only if Iruka wasn't there to take care of his other kinks and needs.

Mizuki didn't look at other women when he had his own woman who saw to his man-needs-woman needs. Mizuki in his own way loved both Tsubaki and Iruka equally.

If the three of them were in a committed three-way relationship then Mizuki would be happily set for life, but neither Tsubaki nor Iruka were into each other let alone sharing their partner with someone else. Only two way for Iruka and only the two way for Tsubaki to.

Finally Mizuki broached the topic Iruka had come originally to discuss between them. In Japanese Mizuki teased. "So those Kakashi slash Icha Icha fans finally getting to you eh?"

"That newspaper is very important Mizuki." Growled Iruka in Japanese.

Mizuki answered him smoothly in Japanese as well. "I understand what you are saying, you put your blood sweat tears and the last of your inheritance money into that development and it paid off until now. But have you thought to back down? Pride can bring so much pain to so many."

"I will not go on my knees apologizing for my opinions." Growled Iruka.

"Do you want your paper to prosper?"

"Is that a threat?!" screeched Iruka, his expression demanded an immediate reply or he'd be leaving sooner than Mizuki wanted him to.

"Of course not!" cried Mizuki. "I'm not threatening you or your paper. Its the club that's doing it."

"This is insane!" hissed Iruka. "You are part of that club and Tsubaki is vice president, yes?"

Mizuki nodded then gave in to his rekindling desires. Mizuki pressed his open mouth against Iruka's throat, sucking and nipping at the purpling mark he'd made earlier on Iruka's bronze neck during their first and second bout of fantastic sex.

"Can't you do something Mizuki? Talk some sense into them? Ask Tsubaki to take steps?" asked Iruka near tears. For Iruka though the glow of sex was dying and giving way to Iruka's frustrations and feelings of being hunted.

Mizuki shook his head sadly in the negative. "I'm sorry Iruka."

Iruka's temper finally exploded "This is Madness!" he cried, "Otaku Otaku OTAKU!" He screamed in growing hysterics and accumulated frustrations, pulling at his hair and growling like a madman, throwing pillows around the bedroom and beating on his sometimes boyfriend. Mizuki bore this behavior well and tollerantly veryfamiliar with the ways of Umino Iruka.

Iruka's antics only seemed to amuse Mizuki, which pissed Iruka off more.

"You're such a firecracker, Iruka-chan." Mizuki complimented and laughed. Then Mizuki planted another searing kiss on Iruka's pouting lips. Stifling Iruka's rage mid rant and scream.

One kiss however was not enough for Mizuki. Iruka was once more pulled under Mizuki and kissed breathless, another round of passionate sex was had.

* * *

Exhausted and near midnight, Iruka finally extricated himself from the premises with one last passion filled kiss and a wave returned by Mizuki.

"Call me, Iruka, Tsubaki is out of town for the week. Look on the bright side, At least some of the more passionate Otaku will not be there to protest the paper not with the vice president of Beloved Kakashi and vice president of IchaIchaParadisu Coalition, will be at the new book signing in Lake Oswego throughout the week."

"Kakashi will be there as well?"

"Of course! Otherwise why go to such a distance for a no show author? Kakashi will be there. He makes his fans happy."

Iruka scowled at that. Maybe Hatake Kakashi was also behind this stupid Otaku gathering of protestors? Nah, you're just being paranoid Iruka. But does not San Tzu say something about preparedness and caution… or something to that point, something wise about paranoia being better than no paranoia?

"Iruka." Laughed Mizuki as if he was reading Iruka's mind. "Don't begin to think Kakashi would be behind those protests. He likes making his fans happy but usually by doing something rather outrageous and romantic, like a date at the opera for the lucky lottery winner at the convention."

"One year it was a wise old woman and her husband. Kakashi helped them to celebrate their fifty years of wedded bliss, which they claimed was indebted to Icha Icha for."

Iruka scowled even more darkly. "Icha Icha. Always the Icha Icha. I hate the Icha Icha!" he growled. Again clawing at his long hair and this time making Mizuki flinch, wince and slap his hands from his hair.

"Don't pull out your gorgeous hair babe. I don't date baldies."

Iruka pouted but then scowled at Mizuki. "You are shallow like the depths of a duck pond. How can you love me if you can't stand it if I ever go bald?"

"I do love you Iruka. And you love me." Said Mizuki as assured of himself as usual, in other words, he made Kakashi look positively humble in comparison.

* * *

Kakashi glared at the pompous jerk in his doorway propositioning his love-dolphin. Both his Iruka and this Mizuki guy looked as if they'd done the down and dirty with one another. Jealousy burned in his heart along with rage.

Kakashi was upset that Iruka had spent most of the day and most of the night in this stranger's home. Kakashi hated to think that this blonde guy had touched his Love-Dolphin in private and dirty ways, ways of the Icha Icha!

Kakashi's eyes burned with both fatigue and intense jealousy.

Iruka belonged to Kakashi. There was no way in hell Kakashi wanted to imagine losing Iruka to such an arrogant man, even if good looking man that he was, and Kakashi was secure enough in his own suaveness to admit when another man was handsome without fearing for his own worthiness. He knew it was a matter of time before his Love-Dolphin came to his senses and would forgive Kakashi his stalking tendencies.

Kakashi couldn't bare the thought that he might lose Iruka to that cocky man in the doorway. But he had been quite annoying lately to his Love-Dolphin, no matter that the films came out great, his iruka all flush and sexy with that crazed glint in his dark obsidian eyes.

Iruka shouldn't let someone like this touch him. This man was arrogant. this man thought he knew Iruka. this man thought he had the right to touch Iruka. This man oozed sex and charm. But his eyes were cold and calculating. This one was a manipulator and he knew how to use his body and use Iruka's emotions to his own satisfaction.

Iruka deserved better. How dare that man say those words and say them in such a flippant and arrogant way.

LOVE

Love was a serious matter. Love was a serious business. Love broke worlds and shaped people. Love created and decimated nations. Love was not something you just say so flippantly or so carelessly!

Love made you do crazy things like stalk someone and call them on the phone and forget how to speak intelligently and only speak in weird creepy sounds. Love made one loose one's mind and drove one to desperate acts to get one's love to notice one's exhistance!

Love was... well... love was definitely what Kakashi felt for Iruka.

Love made his heart sing, his brain go to mush, his knees go weak, and gave him obsession tendencies which were bound to drive his Love-Dolphin away from him rather than entice him and reel him in.

Sniff sniff. Images of his little love-dolphin came into his pervy mind, images of Iruka swimming away from him, far far and far away from him.

My cruel Love-Dolphin. How could you let a man like that have you? Tell me its not so! Tell me Ruka-chan. Tell me you don't like him! Come back to me. Come back!

WAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAA

Ru-Ru wait for me!

Ru-Ru. sob. sob.

NOOOOOOOOOOO. Ru-Ru.

He wept pitifully.

I love you.

Slowly Kakashi came back to reality and glared at the arrogant jerk in the doorway. This one was on his list. The bad list. He was now right up there with MaitoGuy Challenges and Cats, on his hate list, in fact the lucky prick had made it to the top of the list, well just barely at the top. Kakash'd had to do a little weighing in of GuyChallenges and Lover-Stealer and thankfully Lover-Stealer came in first place though it was a close one. Kakashi really really hated MaitoGuyChallenges.

* * *

Mizuki felt a strange sense of doom on the air. he supposed if he'd been a ninja it would be described in terms of chakra. The chakra spiked and it was an angry murderous intent filling the night air. Mizuki shivered thenshut and locked his doors. Sudden'y afraid for his life.

Kakashi of course was not a murderer so Mizuki lived through the night, but in Kakashi's imagination Mizuki died a slow and agonizing death a million times over.

* * *

On the drive home Iruka ruminated on this visit with his x. Iruka couldn't help musing that Both Kakashi and Mizuki were arrogant men. But Mizuki thought he had Iruka's number.

Iruka couldn't argue because in a very real way Mizuki did. Iruka really did love Mizuki and still did, and he would have been happy to have been a devoted partner to Mizuki.

But things happened and things like Mizuki's own incapability of commitment had made it impossible for them but Iruka would always love and be in love with Mizuki. But he was old enough and wise enough to know he needed to move on; and that's what he'd been doing this last two years, moving on, especially with his kids in the picture now and Shizune's own future looking Iruka in the eye.

Well, a good thing or two came from this visit, thought Iruka.

One: Kakashi is going to be out of town and no more freaky phone calls. Oh Yeah!

Two: SEX!

Sex was always of the good.

Three: although Mizuki wanted him to call and even little Iruka wanted Iruka to call, Iruka was not going to call.

He would not call Mizuki for a night of booty call. He doubted he would call on Mizuki unless it was business related. He needed to keep his distance from his x-lover. Mizuki was complicated and trouble. Iruka didn't want to walk that path again with Mizuki. He wanted someone he could trust. He wanted stability.

Mizuki was good in the sack but when it came to a relationship by the time theirs had finally ended they had been tearing one another apart. It had been a good thing breaking up with Mizuki. It had been an experience he would always cherish his time with Mizuki but the break up had also helped Iruka to grow up into a man who knew now what he wanted in life and Mizuki and booty calls wasn't it.

He had given up his dependence on Mizuki long ago, and he didn't want an on again off again relationship with Mizuki. Nor did he want to be the "woman" on the side.

Iruka deserved better than that and so did his kids. He was a parent now, he had responsibilities and one of those responsibilities was to find someone stable and to join up and have a stable and dependable relationship with that someone, someone other than Mizuki.

Ibiki and Shizune would be wedded come the New Year. It would be a fortuitous and promising event. One event that would truly be blessed by the gods, that is if Iruka and family celebrated New Years right this year. The Gods needed to be pacified. Iruka wanted his sisters new life to be a good one, a blessed one!

* * *

**TBC - chapter 8 in the works & coming soon.**

* * *

**Naruto Stories Update news: 10.21.2008:** Meaning: chapter 10 now on page 7. Stuck in Darkness: chapter 11 now on page 4. Bonds of Family: on page 6 of Chapter 2.

Reviews adored! :D


	8. Ch 8: Parental Concerns

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover!?**_

Author: Jazzy

AFF Author: Mizukiruhoh

Main Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka

Rating: G/PG (eventual NC-17)

**Category/Warning:** AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F.

**NOT BETA'D**

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading Romance Authors and Their Critics. I appreciate your feedback.

I can understand some people feel about the accent thing, which is why by chapter six or seven? I finally decided to go the easy route no more accent. It's already understood and well ingrained into the story he has one and so I no longer have to continue it. (Yay! No more headache) ^_^

Just a little note: Just because someone works for a paper does not mean that they wouldn't have an accent or be an immigrant. Iruka's a critic of books. Like a movie critic he doesn't need an interview with a star to make his opinion known, he just needed to read the book and write about it. :D

In my state, immigrants can have just about any job they apply for as long as they can read, speak and understand as well be understood and pass the tests (especially for state & government jobs), being foreign and having a hard accent does not deny them the job they applied for.

In this case, Iruka is one of the owners of the Magazine. And he usually doesn't interview people, and the people he does interact with are friends who can understand him, or have some knowledge of the language he speaks. As I have shown in the previous chapter Iruka is also learning a lot from his American sons. Iruka is making great strides in the language department though and should finally be more assimilated by the end of the story. :D

Thank you for your kind feedback and critique. I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Jazzy

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

"Where have you been?" demanded his three sons and sister.

Iruka blushed. How was he going to answer them? He couldn't tell them he'd been with Mizuki, they wouldn't understand. Nor would they approve.

"I… I don't have to answer to you." He muttered and stomped away. Leaving them all in further shock. He quickly settled into his room after a long hot shower and began working on his newest article.

* * *

Iruka was diligent with his deadlines. And he refused to let the rabble outside the office distract him from his work. The newspaper had made steady progress through the years to get off the ground and now it had otaku threatening its promise. All those years of effort and backing and now Icha Icha Fanatics wanted to see his paper burn! It was maddening.

He told himself to breathe.

He steadily locked his gaze on his computer screen and began typing.

**Review of the Fantasy TV series: The Seeker, on CW on Saturday nights at 8pm, based on the books by Terry Goodkind.**

Review written by: Iruka Umino

_Terry Goodkind's The Wizard's First Rule was an amazing fantasy novel competing with Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. Between these two explosive fantasy and adventure packed pages a new generation of ravenous fantasy readers were converted. And now they have made a fantastic series in good keeping with the characters and troubles within the books of The Wizard's First Rule aka: The Seeker or aka The Sword of Truth series. Two thumbs up for the Seeker and for the worlds of Terry Goodkind and Robert Jordan!_

_Further reading recommendations: Lorna Freeman's: Borderlands Series. There are two books so far in this new and unique fantasy setting. With hints of a third!_

_**If you have not read Lorna Freeman **__**Covenants**__** & **__**The King's Own**__**, and you are a true fanatic of fantasy, then this is a series you simply must read.**_

_For those of you into the m/m scene in the way of E-books or even printed versions try reading books by the authors: Arial Tachna or Ally Blue,_ Barbara Sheridan & Anne Cain,_ these books of the paranormal and vampire variety are a good read, though they both take a little effort to get into, but solid story telling and unique imagination._

_Ebooks are a cheap and a new way to discover the joys of a new author. This Reviewer applauds Samhaine Publishing Company and Loose ID for their ingenuity and vision!_

_As for Icha Icha…. I will not be bullied! I and my paper stand by my opinions! Feel free to disagree but don't take it so personally! We look forward to your continued readership. And that is all that this author has to say on the subject._

Iruka frowned and sighed. Nothing seemed to be coming together on his screen, even the writing felt abysmal.

* * *

Chaos ensues: A Parent Conference: Confrontation take two: Shikaku, Hyuuga, Aburame, and Inuzuka!

* * *

Iruka glared at the gathering of parents. Each one ducked their head in shame all except for Hiashi Hyuuga. He was too arrogant to feel any shame, his twin brother though had the decency Hiashi did not.

"we're not here to discuss Icha Icha, Umino-san." Said the Hyuuga's twin brother.

"You may not be, but I am." Glared Iruka, fiercely.

Tsume Inuzuka whimpered. Shibi Aburame fiddled with his sunglasses and kept clearing his throat. Shikaku Nara sighed and muttered the usual. "Troublesome."

Iruka's scowl intensified. "You all have shamed me! You sit outside my office and picket my paper! Profits are down! We could go out of business! I could lose my home and my children!" he growled.

"We know its foolishness but Chief Ebisu says we need to show you we mean business, Umino-san. You must apologize to Hatake-san and to your readers." Insisted Hana Inuzuka.

Hiashi Hyuuga growled. "Enough! I am not here to discuss such trivialities I am here to discuss my brother's son and my daughter and their unfortunate fixation on your adopted son Naruto Uzumaki!"

Iruka's face went blank with confusion. "eh?"

"You heard me! It doesn't bare repeating." Hissed Hiashi, severely uncomfortable with the conversation they were about to have and needed to have badly.

"You are saying that your daughter Hinata, and your brother's son, Neji are involved with my Naruto?" asked Iruka, feeling suddenly light headed. His boy was too young to be dating!

"I said it doesn't bear repeating." Shrieked Hiashi near hysterics. His brother patted his shoulder and combed his fingers through his brother's long hair trying to calm his beloved brother and clan leader down. They were a very touchy-feely twinship.

"then why bring it up?" snorted Tsume Inuzuka as bold and brusk as ever.

"Because, Umino-san and the Hyuuga need to talk about it." Growled Hiashi.

"But then, why get the rest of the parents involved?" inquired Shibi as gently as he could.

"Because all of our kids hang out with one another and we need to address the situation as a team!" explained Hiashi, exasperated. "we need to make sure the kids don't take it too far. They're hardly old enough to even contemplate love!"

The parents put on their thinking caps and listened to Hiashi and contemplated his words.

"So far Neji and Hinata are actively pursuing Naruto, and they seem to be the only ones so far to think they're old enough to start dating, and be sneaky about it." Explained Hiashi, very putout with his daughter and nephew.

* * *

A memory popped into Iruka's brain of the recent Valentines Day that was had.

Naruto's little craft project post box was filled with a dozen red roses and six packages of instant ramen along with all the usual child-type valentines and candy, there were some very unique love letters. Someone had even tried to write a love poem addressed the "Golden Sunshine In Their Bleak Existence".

Naruto had been a little freaked over the poem but he loved the ramen and he couldn't understand the roses. Why would someone give him, a boy, a dozen red roses? Perhaps they had put their roses in the wrong box?

Iruka had read the note that had been with the roses and smirked at his son. It was short and sweet and addressed definitely to Naruto. Someone with serious money had bought those roses for Naruto.

As for the poem that had also been found in the overflowing box of valentine cards, it had definitely screamed to Iruka the depressed Neji had written it. Neji was a talented kid, Iruka would give him that, but seriously Neji needed to lighten up.

* * *

Hiashi was obviously quite upset to find that both heirs of the family were in love with the same kid. Such a situation spelled trouble. The two branches had only come to peaceful terms recently. They couldn't afford to have Neji and Hinata at each other's throats for the sake of a childish love!

Man what a headache!

"Find Naruto a romantic friend and have him discourage both Neji and Hinata from pursuing him." Suggested Hiashi.

"For one thing, my Naru-chan is too young to be dating anyone!" cried Iruka outraged. "For another thing, you all have been causing me a lot of trouble and heartache, so why should I help you out?" asked Iruka, furious.

"You say your business is losing money, Yes? Well the Hyuuga is wealthy for this favor the Hyuuga Clan will bail out your paper from its debt as well as try to dissuade the Icha Icha club from tormenting you any longer." Bargained Hiashi.

"Are you calling me a pimp-daddy?!" screamed Iruka. "I would never sell my son's affections. I'd rather be broke and deported first!" raged Iruka turning his back on his so-called friend.

Hiashi screamed. "Stubborn fool!"

"Wait." Cried Hiashi's brother. "Stop Umino-san, please. I know it sounds unflattering…"

"There is nothing more you can say to me. I won't do it. This is just ridiculous! They're kids for crying out loud, just kids!" Iruka continued to rant in Japanese he was beyond coherent or English speaking.

Hiashi scowled then felt helpless. His brother patted his shoulder and hugged him. "Give it some time. Iruka's a hot head but give him a day or two to think about things, you know how much of a worrier he is, he'll come around." said his brother.

The other parents meanwhile took the time to really think on their actions or in some cases inaction.

* * *

TBC

* * *

Chapter Nine in the Works and coming soon… A HAPPY THANKSGIVING - to all who celebrate it! :D

* * *


	9. Ch 9: Good Neighbor Hatake

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! Eeep! Lover!?**_

**

* * *

**

Category/Warning:

Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F - AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor. **NOT BETA'D**

**Summary**: _Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?_

**_All feedback has been greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for your kind reviews everyone!_**

**

* * *

**

Chapter Nine

_Hatake: the good neighbor?! _

In the usual pub at the usual time two older people were once more in a meeting. This meeting also included a discussion that encompassed business, authors, critics, and the potential for romance.

Jiraiya and Tsunade shared many a bottle of beer and whiskey over the hours of this discussion.

Neither of them was happy to note that Kakashi was yet again in love. Love and Kakashi was a disaster in the making. They had been witness to two of Kakashi's marriages and his several failed relationships over the last decade. Love also tended to keep Kakashi from writing Icha Icha, a major problem for the publishing company and for Kakashi's partner Jiraiya.

They also discussed problems of an author in love with his critic and of a fan club out of control.

"I can't believe this has gotten this far." Grumbled Tsunade. "The Ibiki Morino guy, you know the big intimidating fellow from that paper; he's actually filed a suit against us!" She glared, her head throbbing, the alcohol steaming off as if she were a frying pan.

Jiraiya gaped. "You're joking."

"No and neither is he! That Ibiki guy doesn't take kindly to those; what his critic calls Otaku, creating a chaotic work environment. He thinks we're partly responsible for the siege on his business. He's filed a suit of malice against us. Us! Can you believe that?"

"Sandaime Sarutobi simply fell over laughing then he told me I better find a way to make it right between this paper and our publishing company. I guess Ibiki is some sort of cousin once removed or something. Can you believe that?"

Jiraiya swigged some more alcohol and filled Tsunade's glass with another jello shot.

The Lake Oswego event came up in conversation. Kakashi had managed to weasel his way out of the event due to a sudden inspiration to move into the same neighborhood as his beloved Love-Dolphin.

Both editor and writing partner gagged.

"Love-Dolphin! Who in their right mind would name someone that?" griped Tsunade.

"Tell me about it!" crowed Jiraiya. "But then again whoever said Kakashi was sane?" chortled the old super pervert.

Tsunade pouted.

"Hey don't give me that look. At least when he gets hitched to this Iruka-guy you're not the one who'll have to deal with those brats of his. But I will. I write where my partner writes and knowing that lazy ass, he won't leave Iruka's home for as long as he can possibly help it!"

* * *

**Hatake moves in to the neighborhood!**

It just wasn't possible that this nightmare could get any worse thought Iruka as he stared with disbelief at the large moving caravan and eight dog carriers all varying in size and shape.

He spotted a man with a red eye and a gray eye and shaggy scruffy white blonde hair. The man was smiling and waving at Iruka as if they were the best of pals in the entire universe.

Iruka trembled with growing exasperation, frustration and rage.

"Boys! Get into the Car! We're going to the GYM!"

Sakura and TenTen were surprised to see the Uminos so early. They usually stuck to a schedule and never strayed from it. Sakura hugged her students while TenTen studied her friend then offered him their couch to sit and talk.

Iruka shook his head in the negative. "I need to do something. Help me Ten-chan."

"All right Iruka. We wont talk, we'll simply spar and break some bricks, how does that sound?"

"Perfect."

* * *

Kakashi took his dogs for a long walk and found himself outside the dojo watching the love of his life getting sweaty and worn out without his intimate help. Kakashi pouted. Yet watched the gleam of muscle and sweat, adored the crescent of concentration on Iruka's brow, and the down curve of his sexy pouty lips.

Kakashi felt his heart pound painfully in his chest as butterflies flapped in his stomach.

Iruka was so beautiful!

Shortly Neji and Hinata barged into the dojo, each headed for the little blonde boy grinning like mad from his own exertions.

"N-Nar-ruto!" cried Hinata shyly but excited. "Y-your h-here!"

"Naruto-kun!" greeted Neji with barely in check reserve.

"Hey guys! I wasn't expecting to see you here today." Smiled Naruto.

The Hyuugas returned his smile each with a blush of pleasure on their faces then a quick darted look of "back-off he's mine!" crossed their faces aimed at one another.

Sakura lifted an eyebrow in worry then watched as the Hyuugas became particularly rival like and combative with one another trying to outdo the other for Naruto's affections through physical prowess.

Iruka scowled at the antics. He had liked both Hinata and Neji. How was poor Naruto supposed to decide between his two friends who he liked best? Let alone who he liked enough to actually date – not that Iruka would let them date, not until they were of an age, say thirty!

But seeing the way the two went after one another made him worry. Hiashi and his brother just might actually have a point. Iruka scowled.

* * *

Classes ended Iruka ignored the pervert outside the dojo, bustling his kids into the car and inviting the Hyuugas for pizza.

Kakashi was ready to cry.

Oh Ru-ru, my Love-Dolphin; if you only knew how much you hurt me when you ignore me like this! Sob sob.

The dogs looked at their devastated master and sighed and shook their heads. Were they really going to go through this again? Humans were so weird!

"This better be the last mate, Kakashi." Growled Pakkun. "we wont stand for another break up in the pack."

"He has pups." Said Bull, happily. He had always wanted pups. Bull was also the bigger of all the dogs.

Kakashi pouted. "So little faith in me, my canine friends, but this time, this time I know this is it for me. He's the one for me. This time its for life. I swear it."

Pakkun was the only one who gave him the look of suspicion and cynicism.

* * *

**Night Prowlers?!**

Kakashi and his dogs canvassed the area searching for fan club members of the Icha Icha Defense League and finding to his luck he hadn't been found out by his fans as yet. Of course many of his fans were probably at this moment in Lake Oswego enjoying the three day convention in Icha Icha's honor.

Kakashi whistled merrily as he walked his new neighborhood. The dogs were as excited as he was. The sniffed and panted and investigated all the trees and lawns and bushes that Kakashi let them.

The Dogs came to a sudden halt under a light pole. The perfect spot to watch Iruka Umino make tea in his kitchen at this late night hour. Yet it was not for the view the dogs had stopped but for the wiff of familiar strangers on the wind.

"We got trouble boss." Growled Pakkun.

"Otaku in the area?" asked Kakashi.

"Possibly. Possibly robbers." Confirmed Pakkun.

"We must protect my Love-Dolphin!" gasped Kakashi.

The dogs shook their heads and sighed. Kakashi was such a sad figure of the pack with his crazy in love loss of his brains.

"We will boss. This our territory now. There aint no one and nothing that'll come in here and rob the place with us around."

"and no one will hurt your…" grimace. "Love-Dolphin." Gagg, caugh hack, spit of furball on the grass.

"Pakkun you sound rather flemmy, should I call the vet?"

"Naw, I'll be fine." Gasped Pakkun hurriedly.

Pakkun hated the veterinary clinic. Damned vet always wanted to stick a freaking thermometer up his ass. How humiliating. What Pakkun wouldn't love to do to that quack. Just thinking about it made his jaws ache to rip his hands off.

* * *

Again, for a second time in as many weeks, Iruka makes a cup of tea for sleeping and sees out his window a figure hidden in shadow by a light pole with a couple of dogs in tow.

"Hentai stalker!" he growls, giving the man his death glare.

Die pervert die! Screamed the look.

The man at the pole seemed to feel it and even staggered under the glare, clutching at his heart as if he was being stabbed in it. The dogs whimpered then barked with concern for their master who then walked quickly away and out of Iruka's sight.

* * *

**TBC -**

* * *

**Meaning Chapter Ten is in the works and should be posted soon! Champions revised version chapter Two shall be posted shortly, and Bonds of Family Chapter Two is almost ready for posting as well. :D**

**SALVATION ARMY:  
****http: // give . salvationarmyusa . org / site / PageServer? Pagename = ORK_ StartKettle**

**Donate! :D**

**_All feedback has been greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for your kind reviews everyone!_**


	10. Let the Tomatoes Fly

**my apologies for taking so long with getting this newest chapter written and posted. I slammed into a giant wall. I hate that especially as I always seem to come to that wall when I am nearest the endings of my stories! Thank you for your patience and i hope you will enjoy this newest chapter.**

Title: _**Romance Authors and Their Critics! **_

**Category/Warning:** Slash (YAOI) M/M Coupling - possible F/F  
AU, Modern Day, Romance, Humor.

NOT BETA'D

**Summary**: _Journalist Iruka is Kakashi's worst critic. We only hurt the ones we love, don't we?_

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

Christmas was looking pretty bleak for the Umino house. Ibiki oddly enough was trying to make with the positive vibes and cheer up the miserable Iruka and family.

Naruto was finally aware that he had two people out to capture his heart and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. So of course he was in a panic over it. Sasuke and Gaara were of course trying to help and of course failing.

Sasuke had women throwing themselves at him on a constant basis and he was anti-women for the most part thanks to those particular experiences, however his advice was obvious. "Ignore them. Or tell them to go away."

Naruto glared at his brother. "What! Teme! You're so rude. Why do all the babes love you? You're such a prick. And like it works!" screamed Naruto.

"it should." Said Gaara with a shrug.

Naruto laughed long and hard. "Sasuke tells them to drop dead and they still cling to him." Naruto snorted. "Yeah teme, like I'm going to follow your advice" said Naruto sarcasm harsh in his voice. "As if its helped you any."

There of course followed the usual fist-i-cuffs, screams of agony, taunting and growling, rug burn and biting.

"Whose you're uncle, whose your uncle." Taunted Sasuke, having gripped Naruto in a teddybear hold.

"Certainly not you!" screeched Naruto, trying to pummel Sasuke yet Naruto was unable to break the hold Sasuke had on him which only made Sasuke laugh and jeer all the more.

Finally Iruka stepped in and grounded them each to a corner of the room.

"No talking, no turning to look at one another or glaring at one another or giving each other funny faces, no tongues no noises. In corner now!"

The boys scrambled to their corners and finally the house was at peace.

The drama was cute in a "awww kids" kind of way but the paper was taking a hit and Iruka's journalistic integrity was under constant fire thanks to those Otaku. Having his kids trying to tear each other up over some weird love triangle was not making Iruka's life any easier either.

Ibiki tried to think of some way to make all their lives easier but nothing was coming to him other than spending money that the paper really didn't have and couldn't afford to spend, even if it was on a lawyer to sue Hatake, his publisher and those clubs of qwack jobs.

* * *

Meanwhile Hatake was still stalking his little Love-Dolphin, telescope and binoculars and all. The dogs watched their boss with trepidation and terror. They hoped this time would be different from the last time Kakashi had gone off the deep end and as he called it "fallen in love".

The Dogs really hadn't liked the woman Kakashi had brought home and whom Kakashi had named their new mama. No the woman had hated them. The dogs hoped this Iruka person was totally the opposite of that woman that had divorced the boss.

They had scented Iruka's trail and Iruka's kids and the house and neighborhood Iruka lived in. Iruka smelled nice, decent, kind, loving, spicy. Maybe he'd make an okay mom but they weren't holding their breaths.

* * *

Ebisu felt it was time to move to plan B or rather T for tomato. His other plans had so far come to nothing. The writer hadn't stepped down nor bothered to pen an apology to the club or to their Idol Kakashi Hatake Sama.

He looked out into the gathered members and scowled. "Tsubaki, I mean vice-president Tsubaki, lights please."

Tsubaki primly nodded then fulfilled her mission. The lights went out and a projector instantly came on. On the blank wall behind the Club President a captured image of the Hated Iruka came into living action.

"This is the target. As you all have guessed or figured out by now he's a wily opponent. He's stubborn! And he is the number one hater of all things Icha Icha!"

The crowd groaned as if they'd been socked physically in the gut, a few of the women broke out into weeping hysterics.

"I know! It's terrible." Gasped Ebisu. "A tragedy!"

"We have tried to be reasonable with this Umino person. We have tried on numerous occasions to reason with him and with his editor and still they refuse us." Prattled Ebisu. "We've tried to be rational and reasonable with him and with his newspaper but now they leave us no other choice. He has forced us to undergo plan B"

"No!" gasped the crowd in horror.

"Yes! That's right! Plan B!" growled Ebisu dramatically. "Now every one pay attention to the screen, the wall, I mean. As you can see this is our enemy. He may look cute and oblivious and sweet but he's evil. Yes, pure evil! His eyes black as the pits of hell. His scowl the beginning of the dark side of the force. That force of will that only works to maim and ridicule our beloved Hatake Kakashi Sama and his awesome continuation of that God Sent creation, Icha Icha!"

"Don't let his kind features and kind smile put you off our mission. This man is pure evil. He has left us with no other recourse. He must know the full fury of our unhappiness. He must be tomatoed."

"huh?" asked his crowd of devoted sheep.

"You know, stoned, but with tomatoes instead of stones." Clarified Ebisu. "After all, we don't want anyone actually getting hurt. We don't want war. We want Peace and Love like in Icha Icha volume 26 Let Love Flourish Like the Gardens of Eden! And like IchaIcha Volume 14 There is No War without Love. And Chapter six, of Icha Icha volume 21 Thespians Lovers Without Compare! We will enact that chapter wherein the Shakespeare actor gets booed off stage and tomatoes stain his face and clothes and the lovely group of maidens from back stage come along and well… you know." Pervy giggles escape their president.

The crowd sighed with ecstasy. They knew that story well. It was one of the best written orgy stories in the whole Icha Icha series.

After a moment's pause to compose himself, Ebisu growled. " We will make Umino pay, we will do chapter six to him but without the Ladies coming to uh... well you know... to him." caough hack clearing of throat.

Fantatical gleam once more shining brightly over the black lenses of his shades. "Let Umino know the true wrath he has wrought on his head!"

The crowd cheered and cried out. "Tomatoes, let the Tomatoes fall."

TOMATO

TOMATO

* * *

Hatake frowned on his admirers as he spied on their hostilities. Then he smiled. He would at last get a chance to earn Iruka's good regard!

The dogs huddled low at his feet each of them shivered as they read Kakashi's angelic face. Their boss, their master, was in serious crazy land.

Mission Rescue Iruka from the Icha Icha Clubs!

Hatake to the Rescue!

Hatake's grin turned a suddenly to the devilish. He'd have to thank the club if it worked out between him and Iruka. After all they were the ones responsibly for giving him this opportunity to rescue Iruka and to make a better impression on his love-dolphin, a chance to win Iruka's heart.

If it worked.

He would definitely have to thank them all with personally autographed copies of his newest release Icha Icha Hot 4 Sensei! Bwhahahaha!

* * *

TBC

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**Possibly two chapters left in this story. Thank you for reading and enjoying.**


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